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How to "Close the Deal" Without Killing the Vibe

SDC Media

You’ve connected, you’ve flirted… but how do you go from playful banter to an actual playroom invite without feeling awkward?

Closing the deal in the lifestyle is about reading the room, making a clear but low-pressure offer, and giving them an easy way to say yes OR no.

Watch the video for key advice on moving smoothly from flirting to play!

So many people struggle with figuring out how to transition from flirty banter to play (especially in the beginning). I mean, it makes sense, right? You’re thinking…

What if we misread this and they aren’t interested?
And what if things then get awkward and they start avoiding us?
Or what if they aren’t quite ready for play and we come off as pushy or creepy?

So let’s just reframe that thinking right out of the gate.

Consent culture LOVES clarity.
If you don’t ask, you might miss out.
A respectful invitation is flattering, even if the answer is no.

OK, so now let’s talk about some ways you can test the waters between exploring the swinger community on SDC and taking the plunge. These are by no means guarantees that they’re interested… and if they do these things but aren’t actually interested, it doesn’t mean they mislead you. These are just some of many POTENTIAL indicators that they MIGHT be interested.

Possible Indicators of Interest

Check for green lights first.

Flirty eye contact, physical touch that’s been reciprocated, leaning in to talk, enthusiastic conversation, chats about play experiences, spending more time with you than others

Pay attention to their verbal cues.

If they mention they’re a ‘slow-burn,’ it’s unlikely that they play on a first meet — shift to thinking about invitations for another get-together rather than focusing on play.
Same if they say they typically play at hotels or homes rather than clubs (and you’re at a club)
Missing these cues could come off as you putting your own desires over their stated preferences.

Plant seeds that you’re open to the potential of play tonight.

Drop casual mentions like “We love the playrooms here” or “Have you been to the playroom yet?” This lets them know that you use the playrooms and you may be open to play at some point in the evening.
If they seem to back off after you mention the playroom, take note… you may be moving more quickly than they are comfortable with.

Make it easy to decline.

Phrasing that leaves them a graceful out keeps it safe and pressure-free.
Don’t say things like: ‘Come on! Let’s go to the playroom!’ This assumes the answer will be yes and makes them more uncomfortable saying no. (I’ll give you some examples of better phrasing in just a minute).

Use humor or flirtation.

A light tone keeps it playful instead of sales-pitchy, and makes it way less likely that you’ll derail the flirty vibe or scare them away if they aren’t on the same page.

Don’t overexplain or apologize before they’ve even answered.

So don’t be like, ‘We’d love to play, but it’s totally OK if you’re not into it, we don’t want to pressure you or make you feel uncomfortable. It’s the worst when people do that; we’d rather just not play than make you feel that way, so you just think about it and let us know, either way we’re good, we just want you to feel good about your decision…’
Invite, pause, then let them respond without filling the silence.

Example Lines of Invitation

Now let me give you some examples of invitation lines you can use or tailor… these are all designed to be clear, flirty, and easy to say no to:

We’re headed to the playroom in about 5 minutes… we wouldn’t be disappointed if you guys showed up, too. ;)
Not gonna lie, we wouldn’t be upset if you invited us to the playroom tonight. ;)

Or, if you prefer to be more direct:
It’s getting late, but we still have some energy. Want to go burn it off together?

We’re about to go cause some trouble in the playroom, wanna join?

And when you do attempt to close the deal, remember, this isn’t an actual sales call, so don’t treat it like one or you will almost definitely ruin the vibe… You’re not going to be looking for ways to overcome their objections.

Responding to Rejection

So, when you’re rejected, YOU get to set the tone for your friendship moving forward… saying things like this can make the other couple look forward to seeing you again, regardless of whether or not you’re a play match:

Totally get it — you’re still stuck with us as occasional dance partners, though.
All good, you two are still our favorite flirts of the night.
Totally cool, regardless, it’s been so fun hanging out with you!
That’s totally OK; I swear, all the flirty foreplay is the best part of the lifestyle half the time!
No worries, we’re always so happy to make new fun, flirty friends regardless of play!
Thank you so much for your honesty! We’d hang out with you guys anytime, play or no play!
Totally get it, you’ve made the night so much more fun regardless!”