Tantra Q&A and Tantra Love Retreat Explained

Justin teaches "neo-tantra," a modern blend of tantra with shamanic sexuality, personal development, kink and BDSM. He joked that the 3,000-year-old practice "probably has the worst marketing department in the world," given its 15 or so definitions.

His own rests on four pillars: self-acceptance, self-love, connection and presence. Only about 10% of tantra concerns sex, he says, yet "sex gets all the headlines." It's an embodied practice learned through doing, and it comes in two main forms. White tantra is the inward, non-sexual path of meditation and breathwork, while red tantra works intentionally with sexual energy, which doesn't require sex or even a partner.

1. Self-acceptance. Acceptance goes well beyond sexuality to include the body and emotions. Justin's example is noticing "a little chub on my belly," accepting it without resistance, then freely choosing whether to work out. Unlike teachings that tell people to repress their sexuality ("don't masturbate, don't be naked"), tantra was the first place he "felt at home."

2. Self-love. This means noticing habits that don't serve you, without judgment. Realizing after a few drinks at a party that "that doesn't actually serve me" is itself a tantric practice. Receiving love is a common struggle too. Many people find it hard to accept a compliment or touch and instead try to give something back or turn it into a transaction. Others find giving love just as hard.

3. Presence. Presence is being here now rather than carrying baggage from the past or worrying about the future. Justin gets present walking in his garden, watching butterflies, bees, his cats and ripening fruit, a feeling he sums up as "how dare I ask for anything more? This is life." In relationships, it's the difference between truly listening and scrolling your phone, then answering "uh, I don't know" when your partner asks your opinion. The same goes for lifestyle parties.

4. Connection. Connection starts with yourself. Justin admits he's addicted to his phone and feels anxious without it, and he believes that habit disconnects people from their bodies and emotions.

Justin's core tantric tools start with breath. He led attendees in a deep belly breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth, to calm the nervous system. Even pausing to breathe at work, he said, "is being tantric." Movement and sound, like vocalizing during sex, move energy and "allow the divine to come through."

In a short heart-centered exercise, attendees placed a hand on their heart chakra, breathed deeply and noticed what emotion was present. Justin found sadness, possibly grief. Without these check-ins, we can carry grief around unnoticed or miss our own happiness.

Communication ties it together. Knowing and sharing your turn-ons and boundaries can transform solo sex and lifestyle play alike. Without it, even "good sex" can end in an argument or feeling alone.

Justin drew a clear line between masturbation and a self-pleasure ritual. Masturbation is touching your genitals with the goal of orgasm. A self-pleasure ritual has no goal. You set an intention and follow what feels good, treating sexual energy as creative life force rather than just a path to orgasm.

You might start by easing a knot in your shoulder, then reach your heart and feel tender enough to cry. Arousal may come, or it may not. As Justin put it, "you can never go too slow in tantra."

Before solo or partnered play, he suggests setting an intention, like abundance or a deeper bond with your partner. Since sexual energy is "the energy of creation," tantra invites "limitlessness" and "expansion," both in how much pleasure you can feel and how deeply you can love.

Tantra massage may involve nudity and genital touch, so Justin stresses choosing a trusted, skilled practitioner. At his first session, at 22 in Germany, he asked what to do and was told, "Just breathe and try not to ejaculate."

Later, asked again to hold off on climax, he chose to "just trust" the practitioner. In the few seconds he spent breathing instead of releasing, he felt a "massive expansion of pleasure," and learned that breath can turn orgasm into a full-body experience.

His tip for men is to "hold out and breathe." Instead of tensing to "squeeze out an orgasm," relax and breathe into it. This, he noted, is separate from semen retention.

Justin has given over 1,000 tantra massages, mostly to women and couples. He believes trauma and shame can be stored in the body, beyond the reach of talk therapy, which is why he values somatic, touch-based healing.

Techniques like "de-armoring" and "yoni mapping," which means moving around the yoni like a clock to find numb or painful spots, are usually done by a trained professional, though partners can learn them. In a mirror exercise, many clients struggle to look into their own eyes, which he calls "so telling about their past and trauma."

His own path mirrors this healing. After a decade in Manhattan finance, he saw himself as "robotic," a man who never cried, until a spiritual awakening opened him to vulnerability. He chose tantra because it unites body and spirit.

Justin's brand, Elevated Intimacy, centers on one mantra: "Where there's horniness, there's healing." He believes kinks and fantasies, like hotwifing or voyeurism, are rarely random and often link back to past experiences.

He separates desires, which you actually want to act on, from fantasies, which are often taboo or "shadowy." His exercise is to write down all your fantasies and rate each from 0 to 10 for shame or fear. A partner's reaction "doesn't matter, it's your fantasy."

He cautions couples against casually swapping fantasy lists, preferring a structured, consensual exercise that often reveals a feared fantasy is actually shared. "Vulnerability is the gateway to intimacy," he said, noting the word comes from the Latin for showing your wound.

Choosing between a couples session and a group retreat depends on your goal. Couples sessions focus on the relationship and often become coaching, since many couples have never had a third party help them truly hear each other. If one partner is less curious, he suggests reading a tantra book aloud together and trying the exercises.

Group experiences offer connection within your boundaries through eye gazing and shared breathing, with no requirement for sex outside the relationship. In one exercise, Justin saw his father's eyes in his partner's and began to cry. Big festival or small workshop is personal preference. Attending a large festival alone brought anxiety but showed him "where I was hiding and where I shined."

The Tantra Love Retreat, co-led with Leola, runs November 5 to 8 in Texas Hill Country, about an hour outside Austin. It's all-inclusive, with glamping and a five-star chef, and exercises range from eye gazing to live tantra massage demonstrations.

The clothing-optional retreat welcomes all experience levels and relationship styles. Consent comes first: you can watch only or step out anytime. Applicants are screened for sexual and emotional IQ, and "no one will ever know you're at this retreat." A few spots remain, especially for single women, with details on his SDC profile.

In Miami, Justin offers tantra massage, private retreats, fantasy fulfillment and remote coaching. Sailing on a lifestyle cruise? Arrive a day early for a session. His September 9 webinar will dive deeper into fantasy work.