Why I Enjoy Being a Sub

Brenna from Front Porch Swingers debunks some relentless misconceptions about submissives and shares why she loves the role in this thoughtful piece.

“Vanilla” folks often have a difficult time wrapping their heads around the idea of being a “submissive.” As a result, many misconceptions have developed around submissiveness in the BDSM world. For example, that we subs must have experienced some form of abuse in our pasts, or we are weak doormats who allow others to use us. My hope in writing this post is to bring a little awareness to who subs REALLY are, and the reasons I personally choose to submit to my partner.


First Things First…


Let’s define some of the terms that will be used in this post. A submissive is a person who chooses to relinquish a carefully negotiated amount of control to one or more other parties. Alternately, a dominant is the party provided with said power. A submissive (sub) and dominant (Dom), when entering into what is called a D/S dynamic, develop rules (called limits) as well as agreements on how long the control will last (i.e., one play session, during sex only, or 24/7). Another synonymous term for a sub is a bottom. Typically, a person will be referred to as a bottom of they are willing to participate in a scene with a Dom (or top) but unwilling to relinquish control to extend beyond said scene.

It’s important to note, in a D/s or top/bottom arrangement, the sub has ALL of the real control. He/she sets the boundaries, lays out the deal-breakers, and should always be armed with a safe word during play should he/she need to stop for any reason. The control a Dom has is by perception only, a game being played in order to excite both players.


Now, Why Do I Think Being a Sub is So Badass?


I can’t speak for all subs but, for me, submissiveness is about shedding any and all real-life, adult responsibilities. I get to forget about my clients at work, the stack of dirty laundry waiting for me at home, and the dog’s vet appointment. I have a chance during play to just enjoy the moment, to get lost in the sensations. The feeling of providing someone else with the responsibility of decision-making — even if for only an hour or two — is the greatest stress relief I have ever experienced.

I would be lying if I said it wasn’t about the pain, too. As a true pain slut — someone who receives sexual satisfaction from pain infliction — it is important to me that some level of physical torture exists in my BDSM scenes. Before you make a snap judgment, allow me to explain. The human brain is such an interesting and complex thing. When someone is put under physical duress, the brain releases a flood of endorphins as a means of combatting the pain. During physical pleasure, the brain releases a chemical called oxytocin. Together, the two create a feeling of euphoria, of pure bliss. It’s a natural high unlike anything else I have ever personally experienced. Therefore, if a Dom can mix painful elements, like spanking or flogging, with pleasurable play, like massaging or sexual contact, the result can be mind-blowing.

All of that said, my favorite part of being a sub is my ability to build a bond unlike any other with my Dom. Brian is my partner in all things, but the trust we have instilled in one another through our BDSM play has just deepened our adoration for one another. He understands me on a level nobody ever has before. He has seen me at my most primal, stripped of all societal expectations of who I should be. I provide him with an amazing amount of discretionary control over my body during play, knowing with full confidence that he always has my best interest in mind.


In Conclusion…


I am fully aware that being a sub, or BDSM play in general, is not the right fit for everyone. But that’s not because we are weak or docile. My personality is the exact opposite. I’m a spitfire, a feminist, a strong woman who has an immense amount of self-respect. My educated decision to give myself to my Dom and allow him to control our play does not negate any of that. Quite the contrary; I believe it takes a strong mind to actively participate in a D/s relationship. I sincerely hope this writing has helped to open some minds just a little, as the BDSM lifestyle is one full of emotional and mental rewards. For further information on submissiveness or BDSM in general, check out our website, frontporchswingers.com, or email us directly at mail@frontporchswingers.com.


Front Porch Swingers

We are Brian and Brenna, hosts of a weekly swinger and hotwife podcast called Front Porch Swingers! Through our podcast, we have been offered opportunities to connect with lifestylers from around the world, understanding nonmonogamy and all its facets on a deeper level. Now, we're taking the show on the road! Starting in January of 2021, we will be touring the United States, meeting sexually open people and creating content to showcase all different types of nonmonogamy! If you see we will be in your town and are interested in meeting, don't hesitate to reach out! Aside from the podcast, we are sexually adventurous people who love to connect with others via sex. We are also quite particular and won't get naked unless the chemistry is obvious. We prefer separate play, either with couples in separate rooms or with singles. That being said, that damn elusive 4-way connection is certainly not off the table for us. We love to travel, hike, go to live music shows, cook, and camp, and we'd love to connect with people who share some of those interests.
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1 Comments
  • Anonymous
BONNIEOCLYDE
Oct 31, 2020
We both really like to be sub, but feel its difficult to find some Dom....who knows how to be a real Dom.
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