6 Good Reasons to Open Your Relationship

SDC Couple of Secrets Aliki Xander Open Relationships Lifestyle Sexuality
SDC Couple of Secrets Aliki Xander Open Relationships Lifestyle Sexuality
More and more couples admit to being tempted to open their relationship. Given that you're reading this, you might be, too.

We'll give it to you — it is not an obvious step. For most of us, it takes some degree of courage, and many get cold feet when it comes to actually taking action. Will I be forced into anything? What if I'm too jealous? What if she likes it more than I do? Do I risk losing my partner? Is this the beginning of the end of our relationship? Are we putting ourselves on the path to moral decay? 

The list of questions is endless. We know because we've pretty much asked them all. Nothing is risk-free, and before you take the step, we recommend talking it over thoroughly to make sure you are both on the same page. However, once you feel ready, take the plunge! If done correctly, opening up your relationship could bring significant advantages.

Here are six good reasons to open your relationship according to our own experience:


1. It keeps your sex alive


We do not, for a minute, believe the old axiom that sex grows stale as relationships grow old. Not if you work on it as you work on any other aspect of your relationship! And why wouldn't you? Why on earth spend more time talking groceries with your partner (with all due respect to fruit and veggies) than about your sexual well-being?

We do not depend on swinging to have a good sex life, but, in the right doses, we have experienced the Lifestyle as a boost of energy. We love the anticipation before going out to meet other LS people, and afterwards, we usually come back home and have hours of steamy sex, just the two of us. The Lifestyle has broadened our horizons, deepened our understanding of each other and brought us in touch with some fantastic and inspiring people.


2. It helps you push your boundaries, together


Pushing boundaries and testing limits can be very stimulating. However, the comfort engrained in long-term relationships often takes away our instinct to push the boundaries. That's too bad: opening new horizons together with your partner is exciting! So why not let your fantasy have the oxygen it needs to breathe? Why not give your sexuality the space it needs to evolve? 

Don't get us wrong. Everyone has a different limit, and you should find your own. It can be as kinky as closed-room full-swapping or as vanilla as having outdoor sex. No one will judge you. Don't try to fit patterns or emulate others. Just follow your gut instinct and make a point of growing sexually together with your partner. The probability is that as time goes by, you will feel more comfortable nudging the line further.


3. You discover your partner in a different way


Sleeping next to your partner night in night out for years can take the shine off even the hottest wife or husband. You have seen him in his chequered pyjamas and winter socks. You have witnessed her give birth and doze off with a mud mask on her tired face. 

Embracing the Lifestyle brings out the naughty side in each of you. It is very sexy to see your wife put on red lipstick and dress up in kinky underwear to go to a club. It is equally hot to see other women noticing your husband while he dances with you. 

Just to be clear, we are not advocating making each other jealous here. Simply that these new experiences will make you appreciate your partner in a new way.

You can compare it with the first dates you had with your partner. Remember the excitement you had back then, the enthusiasm of preparing yourself and the thrill of seeing them arriving all smart and sexy for a night out? Well, you get to experience the person you love getting ready and going on a hot date again: only this time around, you are doing it together!


4. You hold a secret between you


Sharing a secret is a bonding experience. You know how kids confide their most intimate feelings in each other's ears to show how exclusive their relationship is? Well, for many of us, the Lifestyle is a secret we share with our partner. Our closest family and friends often don't know. 

Sharing that secret brings us closer. We regularly find ourselves teasing each other in whispers, or winking playfully at one another when a cue reminds us of an experience we have shared. Imagine your mother had dropped in uninvited yesterday evening instead of today? Every time I see a policewoman now, I am thinking of this sexy girl who went down on you the other night! It might sound puerile, but it works!


5. You become more at ease with your own body


It is admittedly a paradox, but showing yourself naked in front of others helps you shed your inhibitions and defeat your personal demons. You realise that people are at their most honest when exposed. It's liberating to know that nobody cares much about the pimple you obsess so much about or the white hair you try so hard to hide. 

Sexiness and sensuality are so much more than looks; it's all in the attitude. In the end, people are attracted to people, not to features, and definitely not what you might focus on in the mirror. As long as you keep a high level of hygiene and you are proud of who you are, you are sexy! And, though your partner is the only one who ultimately matters for you, it's good to know every now and then that others find you attractive, too.


6. It is one-to-one adult time with your partner


OK, it might not be only one-to-one time with your partner — sometimes, it will be two-to-one or two-to-two. But it's still adult time, away from family obligations, giving you a break from professional or social musts. No in-laws to please, no social parties to attend, no concessions to what you want to do. For one evening, it's all about what you and your partner want. The others are there to help you make that a reality.

Most couples we have met in the Lifestyle are respectable and fascinating people, and a pleasure to interact with. And, if you don't feel like socialising with somebody in particular or with anybody in general, rest assured: one of the perks of the Lifestyle is that people are typically relaxed and not pushy.

Meeting like-minded people together with your partner in a totally different setting is exhilarating, liberating, and, if done as it should, is beneficial for your relationship.


Couple of Secrets

"We are Aliki and Xander, a sex-positive couple in a committed relationship. We are parents, busy professionals, and writers by training. But above all, we are two lovers on a quest: to disprove the old adage that sex in long-term relationships degenerates over time. So far, it’s working! From very early on in our relationship, we focused on our sexual well-being and on erotic experimentation. In 2017, we launched Couple of Secrets, a blog where we chronicle our sexual exploration. We share not only practical information and fun experiences, but also our doubts, fears, and disputes as they happen. Couple of Secrets inspires many other couples who wish to open the door to sexual exploration, but aren’t sure what to do. It has also brought us in touch with many extraordinary people and taught us plenty!"
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