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Member Questions Series III

Getting into the lifestyle can be equal parts intriguing and terrifying.
Getting into the lifestyle can be equal parts intriguing and terrifying. There are lots of unknowns and questions to be asked. Getting everything out on the table with your partner is the most important first step, but once you've both agreed you want to give the lifestyle a try, what then? Here at SDC.com we've got a host of experts ready to help you with your deepest most intimate questions and concerns. However, we also trust our community of readers and lifestyle-goers. So, in these Members Questions Series, we want to hear your answers.

Is Cheating a Good Reason to Start Swinging?


I have a question: I have found out that my husband cheated on me. When I asked him why, he said that he was not satisfied with our sex life and wanted some new experiences. When I was looking on the internet for help, I stumbled upon your swingers website. Can swinging be the answer for us? It seems that you have to have a good relationship to start swinging. Ours is not bad, apart from the needs and new experiences my husband obviously seems to have and want. We certainly do not want to divorce. I talked to him about swinging and he seems interested. Please be honest and tell me what you think.


Can I Go Alone or is it Couples Only Always?


My "boyfriend " introduced me to this lifestyle and I've never felt more comfortable in my life. I love the lifestyle and I want to go alone. Can I do that or is it couples only, always? 


Should I Tell Him About my Swinging Past?


In my first marriage, swinging was a natural thing for us to do. No jealousy, no problems. We grew apart, but not because of the lifestyle. I married again and now, after a more than 20 years of marriage, my husband suggested the want to try something new to bring back some "juice" in our sex life.  He read about swinging and brings up the idea from time to time, but he never pressures me to actually say yes. Although we share and have shared a lot, I have never told him about my experience with the lifestyle. What should I do? Tell him about it or just "explore" this together as newbies? I'm a little afraid how he will react when he knows.


How to Deal with Rejection by Couples?


Hi, my wife and I mostly have fun when swinging. We are invited by nice couples and sometimes we choose our partners and invite them to play. If they say no, for me that's not a big deal. The wife, however, takes that very, very personally and it makes her insecure. It's even worse when there is a date, and the other couple says "no" to playing. How can we or rather she, learn how to deal with that?


What is Our Next Step?


My wife and I have talked about the lifestyle, but we have only gone as far as posting and replying to ads and joining. My wife is very nervous to go any further. She almost feels like if we meet someone we have to play.  I've told her that to make it enjoyable we'd all have to feel comfortable, and not feel pressure. I was wondering how you'd suggest taking it to the next level, what type of environment (club, party) would be the least threatening? 


What if We Feel Attracted to only Half of the Couple?


We, my husband and I, joined the lifestyle just a couple of months ago. And now he have met this nice couple. Both are great, but he is "it." We talk, chat and he and I find each other really attractive. When we touch it feels like there is some kind of electricity between us, and we wouldn't mind playing. My husband likes him as well, so that's OK. There is actually one problem: His wife is neither attracted to us and both of us are not attracted to her, either. Yes, we can talk and chat, but there is no "spark" and for sure no sexual interest. We know they don't date apart from each other and neither do we. What can we do? 


How Can We Make Ourselves "Less Risky" to Other Couples?


As newbies ourselves, we wonder how can we break through this stereotype. We are confident in our relationship. We have been married for well over a decade, and know what we want out of the lifestyle. How can we make ourselves more attractive and less risky to other couples?


Do You Guys Get Your Egos Bruised?


I want to pick people our own age or slightly younger or older, but she likes our current situation where we are the youngest couple in our group of swinger friends by 8 to 12+ years. I have been fortunate enough to have hot HWP females who are younger than most of the males, as I prefer quality over quantity. She has partners who tend to be very overweight, bald, and not that attractive, and prefers quantity over quality. I guess my ego gets bruised a bit by her choices. I believe she prefers to be a big fish in a small pond, but she says she likes their personalities and disregards their looks. So, I guess my question is: Do other males get their egos bruised when their wives swing with much less attractive males than themselves?


Maddy V

Dutch journalist and editor. Specialized in writing articles about sex, health and relationships.
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1 Comments
  • Anonymous
LUCKYCPL05
Feb 01, 2021
What if We Feel Attracted to only Half of the Couple? We, my husband and I, joined the lifestyle just a couple of months ago. And now he have met this nice couple. Both are great, but he is "it." We talk, chat and he and I find each other really attractive. When we touch it feels like there is some kind of electricity between us, and we wouldn't mind playing. My husband likes him as well, so that's OK. There is actually one problem: His wife is neither attracted to us and both of us are not attracted to her, either. Yes, we can talk and chat, but there is no "spark" and for sure no sexual interest. We know they don't date apart from each other and neither do we. What can we do? -This is a pretty common situation, though it can play out in various ways. The big challenge for discriminating couples, meaning those who don't just jump into an orgy or prefer more anonymous sex (not that there's anything wrong with either) is the four way match. In our case, we have one couple which whom we both have a good sexual chemistry with the male (I'm straight, but you still need a connection to team up well for an MFM) and in another case the woman (my wife is bi). Sadly, we can't mix and match them, though all three couples have cross-pollinated. It all comes down to the golden rule of playing; everyone needs to feel 'right' about the circumstances. That very often means lamenting what could have been and moving on. No means no doesn't just apply to someone getting handsy at a party, it also refers to exploiting situations where discomfort could be caused to any one of the parties. We are just lucky that the male half of the couple where we both are into the female half, is okay with her coming to hotwife with us occasionally and the same with couple with the male half we share a connection with. And neither of us would quite put the 'taking one for the team' designation on finding ourselves with the less desirable other halves in either case. Indeed, we have reciprocated with our female half hotwifing with one of the couples, where she enjoys the female half more than I do. So, if the wife is not attracted to either of you nor you she, that's actually helpful! Simply ask if they would mind if the male half spent some time on his own with you. Also, if you feel comfortable asking, find out if she is voyeuristic! In the case of one of our almost match couples, she is and has watched our three ways then spent her excitement on her husband when they were alone.
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