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What Do You Do if a Date is Disappointing?

Maddy V     
What Do You Do if a Date is Disappointing?
What Do You Do if a Date is Disappointing?
Even after a careful selection of profile texts and profile photos, the date in "real life" can sometimes be disappointing. How do you deal with that?

You have a profile on SDC, written nice text, added beautiful and matching photos, and then the first mail or messages arrive. And the other way around, you go looking for like-minded people to meet up with. It is often fun, but what do you do if it is disappointing?

Couples Looking for Other Couples

Couples looking for other couples would like to see photos of both. If they are not or not sufficiently on a profile, you can send an email and ask for photos. Then quite a few scenarios can arise:

  1. You are excited about the photos of her and him.
  2. You both click with the photos of the woman or the man, but not with the partner.
  3. Only one of you clicks with both.
  4. One of you clicks with one of the two from the other couple.
  5. You don't click with either the man or the woman.

What are you doing then?

If the photos are divisive, then you may decide in scenarios 2 to 5 to not respond to the request for an introduction. Then respond in any case with a proper rejection. Sometimes reading the profile text can still make you decide to meet the couple. Photos are not always decisive, and attraction is often not in pictures or profile text. Sometimes you select on pictures, and you meet the couple at a party or in a club, and the reality turns out to be completely different than you thought. The nice couple in the photos appears to have no attraction for you at all. The handsome man turns out to be boring, and the woman is not sexy to you. And sometimes you have the most fantastic experience with the couple whose photos didn't warm you.

"We turned out to have a huge click with couples we didn't like from profile and vice versa." Look. That is also possible!

Also, profile texts can initially seem like a match, but in reality, you seem to think very differently about things. Or the profile text is not well written and it appears that a couple looking for a full swap is actually looking for a single or bi woman.

If the meeting is disappointing in real life, be honest about it. If it's in people's homes, don't hang around just because you've agreed to be there. If it is disappointing for one of you because there is no click or attraction, it depends on your own agreements how you deal with it. Also, be honest about that with the partner of the other couple.

If you find it hard to be straightforward, then, according to many members, a little white lie is certainly permitted. Just don't stay out of politeness and end up with a hangover because this one was not successful.

"The next day, we thought we should have said right after the introduction that it, unfortunately, wasn't a complete click." It makes sense that you sometimes have doubts, because you may be the only one who feels that way. Or you notice that the other couple really enjoyed the evening and brought everything out of the closet to make it a fun evening.

That is not a reason to stay: "We have done that several times but have never actually experienced that it was still a really nice evening. Often you take part in politeness, but you stand around until midnight anyway."


Single Men and Women

The same applies to the singles: if you are looking for a couple, there must certainly be a click with both unless they have agreed that they let each other meet separately. If you notice that the attraction is not there, be free to say so. Nobody benefits if you have to try to make it 'fun.'

Special wishes, fetish, etc.

Everything about photos and profile texts also applies to people looking for BDSM, gangbang, fetish, swap parties, etc. Although the one-on-one click, for example, in a gangbang or group sex, is less important. Sometimes the click does not come from the photos but arises at the meeting. Even more than couples looking for couples, the profile description of what you are looking for or want is essential to prevent disappointments.

Maddy V

Dutch journalist and editor. Specialized in writing articles about sex, health and relationships.
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