7 Things You Need For Great Sex
He asked me, “What constitutes great sex?”

Today, on the How We Talk About Sex podcast, Eric asked me a really great question and I thought it would be the perfect blog to write. He asked me, “What constitutes great sex?”

I really loved this question because it helped me realize a few things that are majorly important when it comes to having an incredible and fulfilling sex life. These seven things are essential into having the sex life that you desire and deserve, and having these things will always be helpful when it comes to your sexual future.


Communicate Your Desires


Tell your partner(s) what you like and what you don’t like. Is there something new that you want to try? What brings you pleasure? What makes you happy when it comes to sex? It’s good for you to talk with your partner(s) because it helps with a layer of intimacy that can be great for you and your partner(s).


Be Vulnerable


This is easy for some folks, but not so easy for other folks. Being vulnerable takes a lot of practice, but most of all, it takes faith. You want to be able to be yourself and trust in yourself that you can let someone in to the most intimate parts of yourself.


Trust Your Partner(s)


In addition to trusting yourself, you need to be able to trust the partner(s) that you’re with. You need to be able to know that they are going to do what they say they are going to do. You need to trust that they are wanting to give you pleasure just as much as you want to give them pleasure.


Know Why You're Having Sex


Some folks have sex just to have sex. A lot of women have altruistic or compliant sex and it’s not healthy; mostly because it’s not consensual. It doesn’t matter the reason why you are having sex, you just need a reason that feels good to you and that aligns with your desires and needs.


Ensure An Unselfish Partner or Partners


There’s nothing that’s more of a turn-off than a partner or partners who are selfish. Someone who is only into sex because they need to get off or do what they desire turns off a lot of people. Someone who is willing to share the experience in a way that feels healthy and understand you sexually is priceless. Having a partner who is willing to cater to your needs and give you the pleasure that you desire should definitely be a priority.


Be Creative!


Many of my clients come to me because they find their sex life boring and don’t know what to do about it. Being creative and innovative with your sex life should be something that’s always on your mind. Remember my blog about paying your sex bill? That is what this is all about. Find different things that titillate you and share in as many erotic activities as possible.


Know Your Partner’s Seduction/Learning Style


How does your partner learn/get seduced? What is your partner’s love language? Knowing these things can enhance your sex life, ten-fold. Recently, I did some sex coaching with this couple and they were both audio learners, but silent during sex. This created sexual tension in their relationship. Because I noticed what kind of learners they were, they were able to get back on track and use moaning to their advantage.




Keeping these things in mind will ensure you have an amazing and wonderful sex life. Catering to your partner’s needs, succumbing to your personal needs, and realizing that you can have an extraordinary sexual experience will only foster your sexual growth as an individual. Cheers to your sexual success!

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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