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Sex as a Strategy Game

“The game of life is a strategy game; think wisely by using your intuition, emotions and logic.”

“The game of life is a strategy game; think wisely by using your intuition, emotions and logic.”

– Marla Renee Stewart

Remember the Game of Life?

Earlier this week, I was thinking about life in general and how we are all figurines in this game called life. Remember that board game? The Game of Life had us going through college and/or career, having a possible family, working to pay bills and our ultimate goal was to get to old age being happy and rich. It’s interesting because although many of us want these things, a lot of us are aimlessly wandering through life trying to get these things with minimal action. Maybe we’re too comfortable with what we have at the moment or maybe we’re not motivated and committed to seeing what our final destination could be.

I came up with this quote because 1) I love strategy games and; 2) when you play a strategy game, you always have to think about your next move in-depth, according to all your other future moves in order to gain the best outcome. As a competitive person, I always want to win, so processing this information fast and efficiently is my best option. Weighing out the consequences of each move helps me to get to where I’m going and if something happens that I don’t expect, I don’t let it bother me (okay, it bothers me for a second) and I re-strategize -- always keeping my end-goal in sight.

If Pleasurable Sex is the Goal

So, yes, this works for life, but you can make it work for your sex life, as well. Take a moment to think about your end goal for sex. Is it to have a pleasurable time? Is it to always achieve an orgasm? Is it for stress relief or relief from an ailment? These could occur at different times, but you should have some clarity about your end goal when you start engaging in sex.

For example, if your end goal is pleasurable sex (whether you have an orgasm or not), then your next step should be deciding on which move you need to make in order for it to be pleasurable to you. Always know that someone might not be able to read your thoughts, so it’s your responsibility to get pleasure out of the situation. If you’re not good at vocalizing what you want, you can hint to your partner by movement or connecting to them visually and hinting that way. If you’re more spiritually in-tune with your partner, connect by chanting or breathing in sync.

Remember to Multitask

Whatever pleasure means to you, all you have to do is negotiate the steps with the other person -- making sure that you always take steps to ensure the likelihood of your end goal. At the same time, you have to train yourself to multitask and enjoy the moment. This means, having an idea of the next step, keeping it in the back of your brain and then being present in the moment as you enjoy your lover. By having this strategy and embracing in the moment, you use your emotions (by intimately connecting), you use your intuition (what’s the next step that will bring me pleasure?) and you use your logic (ah yes, this should be the next step because…).

Like life, sex is a strategy game. Play moderately, play for fun and play to please (yourself and others). xoxo, Marla

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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