Preparing Yourself For The "After Sex Talk"
After you’ve been engaged with a lover, are you ever at a loss for words?

After you’ve been engaged with a lover, are you ever at a loss for words? Or maybe you’re the talker after sex while your partner just wants you be quiet and go to sleep? The fact is, some of us are talkers after sex and some of us just want to relax in quiet bliss. If you’re lucky and share the same sentiment, either talking about how lovely sex was or relaxing in bliss, this discussion is not as relevant. However, for most people, we tend to attract opposites so with the people you're having sex with, it’s better to be armed with techniques -- whether you’re the talker or the listener, here are some tips for your “After Sex Talk.”

If You're a Talker:

  • Start with a soft moan and then gently move into what you’re going to say. Being too abrasive with your words and tone will turn the listener off and ick up their moment. If you want to have sex with them over and over and have a great time, be sure to keep them feeling great -- which leads us to the next point…
  • Keep it simple and short. Whatever you say, make sure that you keep it extremely simple and make sure that you keep it short. No one wants to listen to a long explanation after they’ve enjoyed their time with you. Sometimes, people need to just bask in the greatness of their experience, and sometimes the pain of listening is too much for people to bear.
  • Only give compliments that are true. After sex, some of us might feel inclined to give a critique or talk about things that we have to do, but the best advice I can give is if you’re feeling inclined to talk about those things, instead, make a conscious decision to give a compliment about what you experienced. This way, you can bond with your partner and really give them that boost of oxytocin that the both of you will enjoy.

If You're a Listener:

  • Recognize that they’re a talker. Some of us might feel inclined to tell our lovers to be quiet after sex, but if you recognize that they’re a talker and tell yourself that that is okay, you will help them facilitate their bond with you and use their strategies for connection.
  • Confirm their thoughts. Whatever they say (hopefully, it’s positive), confirm their thoughts by responding. You can respond by giving them a one- or two-word answer or a moan of confirmation (Umm-hmmm). If they try to ick your moment, stop them and then…
  • Embrace them. Sometimes talkers just need to be embraced and felt by you. Most of all, they are seeking confirmation and closure of the session, so a nice, love-filled embrace will be just the thing to reassure them (and keep them quiet).

So whether you are a talker or a listener, it’s always better to be a team player. When you’re a team player, everyone can reap the rewards! Cheers to your sexual success!

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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