Our First Hotwife Experience
Hello to all the sexy peeps out there! I’m Hotwife Taylor! Hopefully, you’ve all watched our very first SDC Intro Video #1 and have a little bit of an understanding of who we are, and that we wrote a racy, entertaining, yet educational tell-all memoir called SeXXXperience™. Our book is written mostly by Gabe, and it details our adventures in swinging and sex work and how we use these activities to enhance our marriage. What you’re about to read is an excerpt Gabe found relevant to share with those new to the Lifestyle, those starting out in the Hotwife Lifestyle, and seasoned swingers as well.
Although Gabe authors the following passage from SeXXXperience™, it is our goal that sharing my solo narratives here imparts a different, unique female perspective based on our Lifestyle and Hotwife experiences. Your Lifestyle journey has to start somewhere, but how do couples even go about that? What are some of the challenges you’ll face as you test the waters? What is a Hotwife, really? How do you get started in the Hotwife Lifestyle?
Please enjoy the following sample from Chapter 6: Discovery Learning pages 84-92. Then read the rest in this four-part series, as I include additional commentary and a couple tips from a true Hotwife’s perspective. Enjoy!
SeXXXperience Chapter 6: Discovery Learning, Pages 84-92
“I must humbly report that our very first venture into the Lifestyle went ... terribly wrong. That’s because we — yes, even we — failed to communicate. You read that right. We fucked it up, totally. Here’s how. At the time of our first encounter, we were quickly moving from friends with benefits to something much more. We were already experiencing a closeness neither of us ever dreamed imaginable.
After a few months of fantasy talk, followed by open discussion, we were confident we were prepared to capitalize on our desires. Problem was, neither of us had ever done anything remotely resembling this, and therefore lacked any shred of experience in making the necessary arrangements. We were completely in the dark about where to begin.
Our first step in moving our fantasy from whispers to reality had been through exploring it with all our senses. We began slowly with soft-core activities like blindfolding and light bondage, watching porn together, role-playing, and mild flirting when we went out together. The play became so elaborate between us that we each began to believe during our play, at least momentarily, others were engaged with us. When we finally decided to take the plunge, we had extended the realm of our comfort zones, although always within the scope of our boundaries.
Our first swinger encounter was a mix of the prepared and the spontaneous. We went downtown for a concert and decided to make a nice weekend of it by renting a nearby luxury hotel room. Following the concert, we hung out for a while on our room’s balcony, enjoying the pleasant September night, smoking the hookah, and drinking wine to a bit of excess. Even back then, we loved to party hard. When our conversation turned to sex, and then zeroed in on our fantasy, I felt it was high time to finally make it a reality. I was ready to take this party up a notch! Taylor agreed and I promised I could make it happen if she’d trust me. This was the first mistake.
Unbeknownst to her, a few weeks prior I’d started searching around for a way to bring our fantasy to life. With absolutely no experience, and without consulting her, I landed on the idea of posting an ad on a swinger website. In retrospect — bad idea. We’ve heard from prospective clients who want to use this route to try to set up “happenstance” meetings with their wives or girlfriends without their knowledge, hoping there will be a spark to push the unsuspecting female over the edge. We often receive requests from these types of guys who crave to convince their wives or girlfriends to try the Lifestyle, and some of them have some rather elaborate but sneaky plans for “tricking” their significant others into situations in which they might finally take the plunge. We won’t entertain this, and further strongly advise against these kinds of misguided and deceptive schemes. Much of the rationale for our stance in this regard resulted from our own first unfortunate scenario. We learned, first-hand, this is absolutely the wrong way to go about setting up a swinger encounter (or any encounter, really). Sneaking around behind your partner’s back and putting them in a scenario where they’re the only ones not in-the-know is a perfect way to ignite an explosion of hard feelings and will likely cause huge problems. Besides our own first fiasco, we’ve been caught in the middle of other couples’ jealousy squabbles, where two people in an encounter were decidedly not on the same sheet of music. Not an enjoyable scenario.
I will defend myself a little bit here and say that I did let Taylor know I was doing something that might help us one day bring our fantasy to life. And I convinced myself that she was either fine with not knowing the details or she perhaps thought I was bluffing. We didn’t know what we didn’t know. We would realize, however, that we had an awful lot to learn about both swinging and each other. And we were both about to find out the hard way that swinging was not simply about the sex. At the time, we mistakenly thought, incorrectly, as most people do, “How hard can this be?” As novices, we made the common error of viewing swinging as just sex, nothing more. We enjoyed sex, so what could go wrong? In hindsight, I should've disclosed everything to Taylor from the very beginning. We should have shared everything, discussed everything, agreed upon everything, and then talked about it more. And more. And more. But we didn’t, and it blew up in our faces.
Over the next few weeks, I continued to hint to Taylor that I was up to something. She passively acknowledged me and never asked for details. She now freely admits she should have; at the time, though, it was as if she believed what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. But it would. When she finally said she was willing to do it, I had everything all lined up. We sat out on the hotel balcony, talking and drinking (too much), and settling on the topic of our fantasy. At some point between drags on the hookah and sips of cocktails, Taylor said she was ready for our new experience. Once I heard those words, I couldn’t put events in motion fast enough.
Two hours later, it was over. The encounter itself seemingly transpired without a hitch. When we’d finished, I, for one, felt a huge rush. I smiled as I reflected on my ability to arrange for us to finally live out our fantasy, which had turned me on every bit as much as I’d hoped. I assumed Taylor felt the same. We did talk about the event for a few minutes, but only from a purely sexual perspective. We didn’t address feelings, especially hers. Things went sour a little while later.
Believing we’d just experienced a terrific and exciting new adventure together, we went through our bedtime preparations and fell asleep, both satisfied, I thought. I awoke about an hour later to find myself alone in bed. Thinking Taylor was just making a midnight trip to the bathroom, I waited up for her to come back to bed so we could cuddle and fall back asleep. But after several minutes, I heard a faint noise coming from the bathroom. Is that... crying? Something was obviously wrong. I got out of bed and slowly opened the bathroom door. What I found broke my heart. Taylor was naked and curled up in a ball in corner of the bathroom, sobbing uncontrollably.
I spent a long time, maybe an hour, sitting by her on the cold bathroom tile floor, comforting and soothing her, and trying — but not pushing — to uncover what was wrong. Finally, and patiently, I was able to coax her to get off the floor and come back to bed. Once there, and having calmed down enough to speak, she revealed to me for the first time that she’d been sexually assaulted as a teenager. Ironically, that incident was eerily familiar physically to what had just transpired. She had never told anyone about it before this very moment. She didn’t go into it at the time, but the reason she didn’t tell anyone after the assault had occurred was because she felt like no one would care. Her mother had already made her feel that way following another sexual assault she’d weathered as a much younger girl. When she told her mom about that one, her mom had forced her to bury it. She hadn’t even shared it with her father. No wonder she was so sad and broken. She’d been marginalized, guilted, shamed, and otherwise conditioned to be abused. But now it was me who was devastated and ashamed beyond imagination. I had just unwittingly conjured up this past, painful memory. I had hurt my girl. Even if her own parents had destroyed her self-worth, she was everything to me, and the pain I felt from seeing her like this was of a dimension heretofore unfelt.
It was my fault, and there was no avoiding culpability. I had failed to talk in depth to her about everything that really mattered. We never discussed our worries, hesitations, or fears, and I withheld all the details of the first swinger encounter I was setting up. I was already madly in love with Taylor, so seeing her in pain from something I’d done was akin to having a dagger thrust into my heart. It also took a few days until she was comfortable enough to reveal more about being sexually assaulted, including her feelings, then and now. I shared my own feelings with her, too, surrounded by incessant apologies for my part in her pain. A silver lining slowly began to appear. We were now working through our first mistake with solid communication based on trust. That we were able to overcome such a powerful, negative emotional event is a testament to our commitment to each other. We still didn’t realize it, but we were strengthening the foundation of our relationship, and had stumbled upon the model we would begin to use to improve us during the coming years, and in all our future swinger and provider encounters.
The good news is that we learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. Fortunately, Taylor and I recovered, and we learned a hard lesson from our mistake. We may have totally screwed up the arrangements, but we knew how to make it right — talking about it. Talking about it meant not just discussing what happened and what went right, but also what went wrong. It meant discussing our feelings — about all of it, every aspect. We already knew how to talk to each other, but our first swinger experience took us to a whole other level. We can now reflect on that first time for what it really was: our first time. There’s a common saying, the first pancakes always have lumps. In other words, you usually don’t get it right on your first attempt. We certainly didn’t. To our credit, though, we grew closer as a couple that night, and in the days and nights following, because we talked about what happened, over and over, until we were at peace with it, with each other, and with how we would move on. We had to if we were going to survive. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. I’d dare to say that most couples wouldn’t try again after such a disappointing and disturbing first attempt. We, though, are decidedly not like most couples.
We still occasionally drive by that hotel. Each time we do, instead of a suppressed and bitter memory, we speak of that night in jest. There’s the scene of the crime. Can you believe how far we’ve come? Being able to openly talk about that experience is a testament to our commitment to openly communicate with each other, and our resolve to always work things out. We’ve continually pushed our
boundaries farther and farther out, and we’ve now perfected our pre- and post- event communication, so we can enjoy our experiences now like never before, so that even the encounters we deem disappointing no longer set us back. But we didn’t arrive at this point overnight.
For the adventurous who wish to explore the Lifestyle, the obvious lesson here is never attempt to trick your partner into anything, ever. Nor should you try to push them into something they may have shown interest in but aren’t quite ready for, or they feel uncomfortable doing. If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation where your and your partner’s desires and fantasies don’t match, you still should never try to force things to happen. The more you deceive or pressure your partner, the bigger the wedge you’ll drive between you. Both parties must be in on this stuff together — it’s the only way to make it work.
Conversely, you may both indeed be willing and ready to explore the Lifestyle, and still have a bad experience. Another unfortunate fact about swinging is that it’s simply not going to work for everyone. You need to acknowledge this up-front, together. Once you do that, it also wouldn’t be a bad idea to start thinking about how you plan to respond and talk about it, whether things go right or wrong. Even if it’s not a good fit for you, at least if you try together, both united in your desires, goals, and commitment to each other, you will come out stronger. Hell, there have been more than a few times we tried or participated in activities we will never revisit. That’s fine. The goal should be to become a better, stronger, and more trusting couple, which can only be achieved if you both habitually communicate openly and honestly with each other.”
Did That Story Resonate with You? Read on for More!
Thanks for reading that! We hope you were entertained by this SeXXXperience™ passage and can relate to at least some of it. If you’re veteran swingers, you certainly remember your initiation into the Lifestyle. How did it go? If it went off without a hitch, kudos to you! Not so much here, as you read. Gabe brought up the importance of trust and communication, and as every Lifestyle couple knows, you can’t swing without it.
Our first time was an epic failure for a few reasons; besides a lack of communication, another one big one that you may have noticed was the jumbo-sized suitcase of trauma I was hiding from my husband. Not to discount the importance of past anguish and its resolution — I do touch on the personal struggles I have overcome at the tail end of SeXXXperience™ — but we’ll save those issues for another time.
A DIY Guide to Hotwifing Series
Part 1 – Our First Hotwife Experience (you’re here)
Part 2 – Hotwifing How-To Tip 1: Don’t Try Hotwifing at the Onset of Your Lifestyle Journey
Part 3 – Hotwifing How-To Tip 2: Never Do Anything You Don’t Want to Do — No Matter What
Part 4 – Hotwifing How-To Tip 3: Safety First
Check Back for More SeXXXperience™ Here on SDC!
Thanks again for checking us out. We like to think that we’re simply the couple next door who are passionate about educating other couples on how to enhance their marriages. If you’re in search for more juicy content, have no fear — there’s obviously more to come! In the meantime, be sure to grab a copy of SeXXXperience™. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy of it all, and reality can be a real downer. Especially if you don’t have your rules, boundaries, and expectations established. There’s nothing wrong with learning from experience, but our MO is to prevent you from making the same mistakes we did. Watch for more Hotwife tips, more SeXXXperience™ passages, and always, true-to-life stories from a real couple.