The Intersection of Exhibitionism and Anxiety
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Webinar hosted by Adam and Pris of BEYONDMONOGAMY
Join Adam and Pris of Beyond Monogamy for an exclusive webinar about how and when exhibitionism intersects with anxiety.
Where the Question Came From
A listener wanted to know how the host could live with severe social anxiety and still perform sexually in front of crowds at the club, and whether those two things contradict each other. It's a fair question, and one many in the community may quietly wonder about themselves.
The answer, as the couple explained throughout the episode, is that anxiety and exhibitionism can live side by side. The key lies in how each experience is framed, the routines that make it manageable, and the trusted partner standing right beside you.
An Anxious Poodle Learns to Leave the House
Adam calls himself "an anxious poodle," someone who lives with social anxiety and a deep dread of small talk. For a few years, he and Pris rarely left the house. The turning point came when he backed out of a meet-and-greet Pris wanted to attend, on the day of the event.
Since then, Adam has used exposure to cope, pushing himself into uncomfortable spaces until they get easier. Pris says he's "way better," though she can still spot when anxiety pulls him into his head.
His dread builds as plans get closer. The night before this recording, they nearly turned around on the way to the club, but they kept going and had a great time. Adam admitted he felt the same reluctance before this live show.
Turning Club Play Into a Show
So how does a self-described introvert become an exhibitionist? Adam treats club play as a performance, not a social interaction. "I kind of make it a show," he explained. He discovered this side of himself the first time he and Pris played in front of a group, and eye contact from onlookers turns him on.
Pris found her love of watching and being watched during her first lifestyle encounter, when the couple she was watching invited her to join. A club host admitted that even after 40 years in the community, they still "turn inside out" in front of a camera. Adam said people rarely guess his anxiety, thanks partly to his comedy background.
Most importantly, Adam couldn't perform without Pris. She's his "security blanket," and focusing only on her is how he gets past his anxiety.
Overstimulation and the Medication Conversation
Adam was once proud of never needing help with erections, but busy club scenes changed that. With crowds watching and his own voyeur side splitting his attention, he'd get overstimulated and lose his erection. He admits he becomes "a bigger goofball to mask the nerves."
At a friend's suggestion, he tried a prescription lozenge that only works when he's aroused. He saves it for club weekends and house parties. The feared four-hour erection never happened, though he does get some nasal stuffiness. He also had words for men too "macho" to consider help.
Injections and implants aren't for him. He's "not yucking anybody's yum," but Adam would rather "go down with the ship" than pursue extreme measures. He and Pris also discussed overnight wearables that track nighttime erections, giving doctors data that might reveal a cardiovascular issue rather than simple erectile dysfunction.
Body Image, Cameras, and Learning to Let Go
Financial stress and depression led Adam and Pris to "eat our feelings" and gain weight, which has fueled Adam's anxiety about being watched, even as they remain "addicted" to exhibitionism. They joke about it freely, and Pris reassures him that he looks hot.
Before the pandemic, they ran an adult content page, which they later realized was driven by exhibitionism. Adam thought Pris looked amazing on camera but hated seeing himself, and that's still hard for him. Even so, they now go live on SDC.
Pris used to worry about how she looked during sex, until one day she flipped a switch, decided she didn't care, and never looked back.
Routines That Calm the Nerves
Structure is one of Adam's most effective tools. He and Pris follow a fixed club routine: oral for her, then for him, then Pris on top, then Adam on top to finish. He calls it a "safety thing" that keeps him from feeling overwhelmed. Being "a grower, not a shower," he waits to undress until he's aroused, and starting with oral on Pris gets him there. He calls it "scheduling my hard-on," and it's eased much of his performance anxiety.
Their evenings have a rhythm too. They arrive when doors open and people-watch before playing, repeating the cycle until the early hours. They skip "competitive" group sex because it "kills the flow."
Their biggest takeaway is that familiarity and a welcoming venue go a long way toward easing anxiety, though Adam still feels some unease around strangers.
The Introvert Behind the Exhibitionist
After seeing them perform, people often assume Adam and Pris are easy to approach. In reality, Adam is an introvert with genuine social anxiety, summed up as "Don't talk to me." His bigger struggle is social, not sexual, and he relies on Pris to pull him around to greet friends. As he put it, when one partner can't match the other's energy, the other has to carry the night.
That dynamic goes back to before they dated, when Pris would invite him to bars and he'd find her surrounded by men buying her drinks. She'd excuse herself to sit with him. She insists she's friendly, not flirty, and when a live viewer commented on her cleavage, she called it rude: "I'm aware of my attributes."
Adam prefers low-maintenance friendships, where a head nod across the room is enough. They both value close friends who "get" them and know how to help them chill when anxiety hits.
Advice for Single Women and Couples Alike
A listener who once went to clubs with her ex-husband asked how to feel comfortable returning as a newly single woman. Adam and Pris suggested:
• Connect with people beforehand through the club's member site and lifestyle groups like SDC.
• Bring a friend, even one who isn't in the lifestyle.
• Start with low-pressure events like meet-and-greets.
• Know your boundaries and stay aware of your surroundings.
They noted that single women carry a heavier burden of vetting who they can trust. Another single listener said couples often stall while wives block things: "I don't want your man." Adam and Pris agreed that many wives don't realize a single woman may just want a good experience, and their own early fears have given way to fun with unicorns.
Pris feels safe enough at their club to go without Adam. Her one boundary is that the middle beds are reserved for the two of them because they're "special."
Predators, Red Flags, and Finding Your People
Adam and Pris warned about predators who target newly single women by appearing protective, telling others "she's with us, she's ours." A wave of recent incidents has prompted an upcoming episode on the topic, and some of those predators were people whose red flags they'd noticed but excused.
Their advice is to trust your gut and watch your alcohol intake. They also slow down, hanging out with people several times before playing, because "if we can't have a friendship vibe, we definitely can't have a sexual vibe."
Above all, they call the lifestyle a "very, very wonderful community." Surrounding yourself with people who have your back is "everything. That's your warm blanket right there."
Original webinar was live-streamed on SDC.com on Sunday, July 19th, 2026
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