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Why It’s Never Too Late To Know the Realms of Your Sexuality

Recently, I received an email from an aging man who was a virgin (yes, a real 50-year-old virgin).

Recently, I received an email from an aging man who was a virgin (yes, a real 50-year-old virgin) and he expressed to me that although he felt attraction for all types of people, the thought of having sex didn’t pique his interest. It seemed like too much work when he watched porn and he felt that if he was a sex worker that he could have sex with folks, and then he would know if he is actually sexually attracted to someone. His problem was that he felt that he didn’t have those opportunities.

Hear Your Spirit

My first piece of advice was to meditate and hear his spirit and maybe that he would hear something. My second piece of advice was to go to a swinger’s club and experiment with different people who he found attractive, but he didn’t like that advice either. He was solidly convinced that he might never be intimate with someone, and I could feel the sadness in his words.

Find Your Sexual Energy

The fact of the matter is, is that it’s never too late to know what your sexuality entails. Our sexuality changes all the time, so it’s always necessary to constantly re-evaluate what we like and what we don’t like. Sometimes, when we do the same things over and over, we fail to get to know our fantasies better. We fail to foster our sexuality and we fail to exert the energy necessary to explore and embody that sexual energy.

Asexuality Is A-OK

However, there’s also the possibility that not being sexually attracted to people might mean that you’re asexual. Fostering sexual energy into your romantic and intimate relationships look different for those who are asexual, as opposed to those who aren’t. Asexual folks feel that pressure to be sexual in sexualized world and that adds to the stress.

As children, if we are taught that it’s okay to be sexual and it’s also okay to not be sexual, the world would be a better place simply because you would be validated in your feelings without any judgment or explanation as to why you feel that way. Less pressure, less stress and more happiness.

I don’t care how old you are you are never too old to know (or get to know) your sexuality. Understand that romance; intimate or sexual relationships can have you experiencing a range of feelings and all those feelings are valid. However, there is always hope for your sexuality and all its many facets. If I had to give the last piece of advice for that man, it would be “Don’t give up on your sexuality. It’s that energy that sparks our creativity and our purpose in the world.”

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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