Member Questions Series I
Maddy V     
Getting into the lifestyle can be equal parts intriguing and terrifying.

Getting into the lifestyle can be equal parts intriguing and terrifying. There are lots of unknowns and questions to be asked. Getting everything out on the table with your partner is the most important first step, but once you've both agreed you want to give the lifestyle a try, what then?

Here at SDC.com we've got a host of experts ready to help you with your deepest most intimate questions and concerns. However, we also trust our community of readers and lifestyle-goers. So, in these Members Questions Series, we want to hear your answers.


Advice for Starting in the Lifestyle


We are new the the lifestyle and although sexually adventurous with each other, we have not explored our own acceptable and comfortable activities with others as yet.

Would you suggest we hit the club scene before personal meet-and-greets? I experienced a club myself many years ago and loved how comfortable, friendly and at ease I felt. There was no pressure to participate in what I didn't feel comfortable with. I was OK with everything then, but was single at that time.

What would you all suggest and how do we avoid offending people when it comes to meet-and-greets?

Is there a social etiquette or rule to follow upon meeting in private groups or couples?

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Threesome or Swinging?


Not sure if you can help me: Both my partner and I are thinking of trying threesomes and swinging. My issue is that my partner is looking at things by himself. This has been going on for a long time. I confronted him today and said: "I feel it's all one-sided." When I tell him how what he is doing is affecting me, he gets angry and tells me not to control him. It's supposed to be a couple thing, right? I need some advice.

 


I'm a single woman. Can I go to a swingers club?


Hi, I'm Jody. When I had a relationship, we both were curious about the lifestyle. Our plan was to go to a swingers club to find out if this was something for us. Unfortunately, we broke up. But my wish to explore hasn't faded away and I want to visit a club as a single woman. What should I do? Can I just go and have my maiden voyage? How do I dress? How was your "first time" as a single woman?

Guys, I have so many questions. Please help! Oh, I live in Florida by the way. If that's of any influence in visiting a club.

 


Why the reluctance for single men?


Hi guys. My name is Tom. Me and the ex wife were very active in the lifestyle. Since my divorce, I've been having trouble with that. A single female is often accepted everywhere, a single man however...

How can I make clear that I know the lifestyle and that I'm not aggressive in pursuing women, nor am I threat or some weirdo? Our mutual former swingers friends try to help me by taking me with them to clubs, but that's already problematic. Most of the time, I am not even allowed in. So again, what to do/say?

 


Maybe the lifestyle is not for us?


Me and my wife have been discussing swinging for years, but we have not done anything yet. The one issue that holds me back is that I don't know how I feel about her possibly wanting multiple men and other females, because her rule is I am only to touch or to do anything with her. Is this a red flag that the lifestyle may not be right for us?

 


What can we expect from our first date?


My wife and I are new to the lifestyle. We decided to go to a club here in Dallas. So our question is: Is there an area where couples can be intimate in the club?

We noticed the club mentioned there was a hotel nearby. So we thought maybe it was a no-no to be physical on the premises. We are not sure what to expect for our first. Maybe every club is different?

I guess I could call and ask, but we were looking for general behavior advice.

Thanks for the help!

 


How to ask to use a condom?


My question is probably a real newcomer one: Is it appropriate or even necessary to ask the male half of the couple to use a condom when I want to give him a blowjob? I understand STDs are also transferable by mouth. And is there a nice or good way to ask the guy the use a condom?


Should I ask my best friend to be our unicorn?


Hubs and I have been in the LS for several years, off and on. We each have one best friend that actually knows, which has been great. Recently, my best friend (female) had an experience with HER friends (they took her to a big swingers club in the area).  Now she's hot to trot to be our 'unicorn.'

My instincts initially say to not do it, as our friendship means the world to me. The other side of my brain says that it could be super fun and hot, I know she's not crazy, and I can trust her. She's always thought my husband was hot, too... I just don't want to open Pandora's box if it's going to create tension or weirdness. He's on board if I'm on board, which doesn't help things LOL! I'd like to ask the experienced LS community their thoughts on this.

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Maddy V

Dutch journalist and editor. Specialized in writing articles about sex, health and relationships.
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