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Dear Tom & Bunny: Why Doesn't My Wife Orgasm Every Time?

SDC ASN Lifestyle Magazine Swingers Tom Bunny Couple Sex Health Vagina Orgasm
SDC ASN Lifestyle Magazine Swingers Tom Bunny Couple Sex Health Vagina Orgasm
Tom and Bunny give their advice to a concerned husband who wants to help his wife of 24 years reach climax every time they make love.

By Tom and Bunny for ASN Lifestyle Magazine

There's a variety of factors to consider when a woman has trouble reaching orgasm, and it can get more complicated with age. Here's what ASN's swinging advice columnists have to say to a concerned husband looking to please his wife every time. 

Q: Why Doesn't My Wife of 24 Years Doesn't Orgasm Every Time?

Hi, my name is V*****.

The reason I am sending you a message is that I am going on 24 years of marriage, and my wife doesn't have an orgasm every time we make love. Is there any way you guys can help me or tell me what to do for her?

Thank you very much. I'll be waiting for your response.

A: Is it Medical or Psychological?

Hello V*****,

We appreciate you reaching out to us on the issue of your wife not always reaching an orgasm. In our opinion, we feel that pornographic movies and books do not help this issue. In porn movies, everyone is satisfied, and of course, they are selling movies for a reason. In erotic books, the authors all talk about how the woman orgasms so hard that she sees stars and can't walk for some time. This can lead to a false truth and makes us wonder what we're doing wrong.

We are not doctors or therapists but can tell you that Orgasmic Dysfunction in women is a very common issue. It is the ladies' version of Erectile Dysfunction. One of the things that we find as we age is that not everyone is as honest and open about their sexual functions with their partner and/or their doctor as they should be.

Women over the age of 45 are more likely to have trouble achieving orgasms compared to younger women. There are a lot of factors that could cause issues. We do know this from experience because, in fact, Bunny does suffer from this also. However, with steps that we have made with our Doctor and medicine changes, her orgasms have greatly improved.

There can be many underlying issues with Orgasmic Dysfunction; here are just a few:

Medical Conditions
History of Gynecological Surgeries
Low Self Esteem
Relationship Issues
History of sexual abuse
Overuse of vibrating toys can also desensitize

A number of women also need more foreplay to bring their arousal level up to help with orgasms. We believe that you have to be honest in your communication with each other, even if you feel it is embarrassing. This is a medical or psychological issue that should be addressed so you both can enjoy intercourse to the fullest.

There are many doctors, therapists, and new medical devices that can help. Have her see her medical doctor to see what they recommend.


Tom and Bunny

ASN Lifestyle Magazine March 2020

This article originally appeared in the March 2020 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.

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  • Anonymous
Aug 25, 2020
Definitely a great answer. Love what you say about the impact of porn - and we love porn; but our expectations are born of our relationship, not a screen. Pursuing medical issues is vital as you write. We had some vanilla friends who had almost quit having sex. She had no desire and though she wanted to please him and herself, they were really struggling. We encouraged them to see a hormone specialist. Bloodwork determined that she had a testosterone level of 0! It didn't matter how much she wanted it, at that level her body was not co-operating. It is best to seek a hormone specialist and tell him/her that you want to have great sex including orgasms. Some primary care doctors are not up on the best and latest. Some things we do: 1. Her first. Always. 2. Foreplay a lot! 3. Trust the process. Sometimes either one of us will wonder if it will happen. When we don't give up, it's amazing how many times a "Not gonna happen" turns into multiple happenings. Be patient, remembering still that stop means stop. Thanks for the wisdom! Will and Lyn -- WillLyn