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What Does Sex-Positivity Actually Mean?

SDC Oasis Aqualounge Sex Positivity Sexual Health Advocacy
SDC Oasis Aqualounge Sex Positivity Sexual Health Advocacy
Anyone can learn to be sex-positive. All it takes is a willingness to keep an open mind that is free of judgment, an accepting attitude towards all sexual identities, and self-awareness when it comes to one’s own desires and boundaries.

Within our sexy communities and on-premise venues, such as Oasis Aqualounge, you will often hear the phrase ‘sex-positive’ buzzing around. It’s a great sounding term; light, affable, and encouraging. It captures more than just the physical act of sex; it encompasses all of the surrounding areas of sexuality, such as our attitudes and perceptions. 

For many, this phrase seems to lend permission to express ourselves and our desires; we slip it on and hold its hand as we embark on a journey of sexual discovery. But aside from the times when we want to engage in sex, what does ‘sex-positivity’ actually mean? This article will examine the various aspects of this term, what it is, and what it is not.


Demystifying the Term Sex-Positivity


To begin, ‘sex-positivity’ involves having an open attitude towards sexuality and the sexuality of others. A sex-positive person should be able to address the topic without feeling shame or disgust. While this is easily achieved when exploring areas that are of personal interest, a sex-positive attitude extends itself past personal preferences and embraces all topics with an objective sense of curiosity.

Sex-positivity embraces the notion of active consent. It recognizes that active consent goes beyond ‘no means no;’ it emphasizes that ‘only yes means yes’ and that ‘yes’ should be expressed before and throughout the duration play. Someone who is sex-positive is accepting of activities that are safe and consensual, and they are non-judgmental of practices that may be different from their own. They also acknowledge that sex-positivity is inclusive of all orientations and gender identities.

There is a misconception that sex-positive people are void of boundaries; they want to try and like everything! That is simply not true. We all have personal boundaries; There may be sexual activities that we are uncertain of and/or curiosities that we may not be ready to try (or try yet). Sex-positivity distinguishes between a personal boundary and a judgment call.  You don’t have to want to try everything, but if you are indeed sex-positive, you make space for those who like or who may want to experience something that you may not.

As much as we may enjoy the act of sex and/or kink, there are times when we may not feel like being sexual-and that’s ok! Sex-positivity grants us the freedom to accept when our libidos are low; it does not take away from our sexual identity and/or desire for our partner(s). However, feeling entitled to sex (complaining, begging, etc.) and/or constantly sexually objectifying others (yes, even your partner!) is not a sex-positive attitude.

Another fallacy is that sex-positivity can only be applied to sexually active people; those who are virgins, celibate, and/or who identify as asexual are not included. True sex-positivity welcomes a diversity of expression and is inclusive of all identities. Sexual expression can also include masturbation, self-love, and sexual-self-care. One does not always need a partner(s) in the room in order to express their sexuality.

The word ‘positive’ does suggest possessing a carefree attitude towards sex. However, there are many complexities surrounding sexuality; cultural differences, past trauma, and/or religious beliefs can add to the wide range of an individual’s emotions. Sex-positivity appreciates the varied and sometimes contradictory nature of how we process our experiences. Sex-positivity is not simple; it’s as diverse as we are.


Connecting with the Community


Anyone can learn to be sex-positive. All it takes is a willingness to keep an open mind that is free of judgment, an accepting attitude towards all sexual identities, and self-awareness when it comes to one’s own desires and boundaries. If you are interested in becoming more submerged in the sex-positive culture, connect with others who share those values and allow your sexual self to flourish.

 

By Fatima Mechtab
Marketing Director. Event Producer. Business Partner.
Oasis Aqualounge


OASISAQUALOUNGE

COVID-19 Update: Oasis is closed for in person visits currently. We look forward to reopening in spring of 2021 and hope you are all staying healthy. During this period, we have transitioned to offering online events 7 days a week, so join us for some online fun. When we are open, Oasis Aqualounge is a water themed adult’s playground in downtown Toronto that normall is open 7 days a week from 11am to 3am. This beautifully restored 19th century mansion offers an exciting spa, lounge and vacation environment where you can spice things up, day or night. Unwind in our hot-tub, dry off in our sauna and take a dip in our year round outdoor heated pool in a private sunny courtyard. We are licensed to sell alcohol so you can enjoy a drink from one of our two bars, on our poolside patio or in the beautifully decorated play areas spanning four floors, where you can meet people who share your interests or spend your time alone together.
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