Up Your Hand Game
“How do I prevent my hand and arm from getting tired when I’m fingering her?”

Fingering someone takes a lot of arm and hand strength, so my first recommendation is to make sure that your arm is up for it. That means doing exercises like push-ups to build up arm strength and stamina. And honestly, practice makes perfect, so the more you practice it, the better at it you will become.

However, if you’re not into doing push-ups every single day and you don’t have someone to constantly practice on, here’s a few things that will help you out.

Warm Her Up a Bit

You want to make sure that she’s warmed up. That’s right. You need a little foreplay. And I’m only saying this because a little foreplay can go a long way. The more you build her up, the less time it will take to get her off (hopefully). This means, more kissing, more touching, more teasing, and more gentle caresses to her vulva. You want to get her to a point where her temperature is rising, she’s breathing heavily and she’s genuinely interested in taking it a step further.

So, how would you know that she’s interested in taking it a step further? You can always ask her in your low, seductive voice. Or you can feel between her legs to see if her crotch is warm or if she’s wet.

Once She's Ready to Go

If have the green light (consent, please!), then locate her vaginal opening. This doesn’t mean: “Go in!” It simply means, feel around her vaginal opening and make some circles around it. The vaginal opening is one of the most sensitive places on a woman’s body, so stimulating her by circling it or caressing it gently will have her knowing that you know exactly what to do. Go back and forth between doing this and rubbing around the vulva. You want to get her aroused to the point where she can non-verbally tell you that it is okay to enter.

Once you know it’s okay to enter, do it with grace and with the intention that this is for her pleasure, not your own. Although this may be an activity that turns you on greatly, focusing on her pleasure will ultimately give you pleasure, so it becomes a win-win situation. Start with one finger first and eventually work your way up to more fingers (if need be; you should have already communicated this!).

Keep that Pace Going

Rhythmic pacing is best because your bodies can begin to feel in-sync and with her body she can guide you in the right direction of where she is getting the most pleasure. Remember, your goal is to NOT get her to orgasm….wait…who am I kidding here? Of course you want her to have an orgasm! That’s why we have sex with people; to facilitate a connection that could (most likely!) lead to orgasm!

During the rhythmic pacing, focus on two pleasure zones: her G-spot and her vaginal entrance. You want to focus on these two spots because these are the spots that have the most feeling. To build up more arousal, slowly take your fingers out and rub around her vulva for a moment. You don’t want to rub too long because the sexual anticipation might be too much for her to stand, so again, gracefully, put your fingers back inside and get to work.

Hopefully, if you’ve built her up with enough enticement, it might not take you as long to get her to orgasm. If she is someone who can sustain a high arousal state, I highly suggest working out your arms, building stamina and practice…because sometimes, that’s the only way!

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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