Undressing Someone with Your Eyes, Perhaps?

Although you can’t see them, you feel their eyes burning on your body as they look up and down and into every crevice that is yours?

Have you ever been somewhere or been doing something and someone is staring you down? Although you can’t see them, you feel their eyes burning on your body as they look up and down and into every crevice that is yours?

Have you ever stared at someone whom you were extremely sexually attracted to and couldn’t look away from them? Everything on their body called out to you and you wished to get closer and closer to them, just to see what they smell and feel like? Feeling like you’re in love or lust at first sight and can’t wait to do all the nasty things to them that they would allow you to do?


Being the Starer


I’ve been in both of these positions before and I can tell you right now, the latter position is the one that feels the best. It feels better to stare at someone from a distance and imagine all the things that you would like to do to them; focusing on various body parts that you could derive pleasure from feels amazing, as your hormones race through your body and titillate you in the right parts. I’ve been bold enough to give a pick-up line or even directly ask if they would like to go home with me. Although, I would say I have about a 90% success rate of taking people home with me after I’ve stared, flirted, and started a conversation, I’m not sure that would work for other people, especially masculine men. As a femme/feminine woman who is aggressive, I definitely have some privilege when it comes to approaching people and having them feel safe around me.


Being the Object


However, being on the other side isn’t so much fun as a femme/feminine woman. I’ve been the object of desire to someone who has stared at me with a glassy-eyed look of a star-crossed lover. I’ve felt someone’s eyes run up and down my body feeling objectified and wondering what kind of sexual thought were being had. I know those kinds of eyes that are undressing me at any given moment. I know those kinds of eyes that look through me instead of actually seeing me. And I’m pretty sure a lot of women have experienced this in one way or the other.

So, what does this have to do with anything?


Be Aware of Your Position


I say this to say that we need to be aware of what position we are in at all times. As the starer, think about if your stare is wanted. Is the person staring back at you smiling or frowning? Do you think they would be into it or not (hopefully indicated by smiling or some other non-verbal gesture)? Are you reading their signals correctly or are you ignoring them?

If you are being stared at, are you acknowledging someone staring at you? Do you want them to stare at you or not? Can you approach them to tell them to stop or is it better for you to walk away and get out of their view? Is there a third party that can interfere and do the talking for you or swing you out of the way? Are you interested in them and take their stare as a way to approach them?




Either way, it requires some kind of action and behavior, which I encourage you to do. As Audre Lorde says, “Your silence will not protect you,” and that can go for both positions. Recognize where you are, what power position you have, and act accordingly in a respectful manner. Admiration is one thing; repeatedly being a creep is another. Be discerning enough to know the difference. Cheers to your sexual success!

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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