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Do You Need to be HOT and a WIFE to be a HOTWIFE?

SDC ASN Lifestyle Magazine Swinging Downunder Cate Hotwife Hotwifing Open Lifestyle
SDC ASN Lifestyle Magazine Swinging Downunder Cate Hotwife Hotwifing Open Lifestyle
One of the fastest-growing trends in the Consensual Non-Monogamy community, Hotwifing is a hot topic in the media. Here's Cate from Swinging Downunder's twitter experiment about what it means to be a hotwife.

By Cate from Swinging Downunder for ASN Lifestyle Magazine

Over the years, I’ve pondered if I was, in fact, a ‘Hotwife’?!

I’ve used the term in podcasts, I’ve absolutely used it on twitter #GetMoreFollowers, and I’ve used it in dating profiles, but was I really a hotwife?

Urban Dictionary, never one to stand in the way of a trendy word definition:

Urban Dictionary Hotwife Definition

Darrell and I have been together for almost 11 years, five of those spent monogamous, and nine of those spent as unmarried. I wasn’t a MILF as we are childfree, I wasn’t a hotwife as I wasn’t a wife… what the hell was I?

Why Does it Matter?

Cate Swinging Downunder It’s at this point you might again be asking ‘why does this even matter’? As a person who enjoys being sex-positive and helping others with their sexuality, I look to labels to shape answers. I took to twitter to do some crowdsourcing.

Tangent #1: I know what you’re thinking! You asked a question on twitter and hoped people would reply in an intelligent, classy, helpful & non-argumentative way. Yes, good friends, I did, and the bulk of people were just that! So, nahhhh to you!

I did a little poll on twitter, and it received 349 votes and many helpful responses (not all featured here, but if you want to check the full thread head over to twitter @SwingDownUnder).

Do you have to be 'hot' and a 'wife' to be a #hotwife?

Slightly controversial post, right?! The responses were interesting; I didn’t anticipate almost 30% suggesting that yes, definitively you must be both hot and a wife to be a hotwife. I recall Darrell telling me I was going to be twitter-fied (crucified by twitter know-it-alls and trolls) by suggesting that a woman should have to be attractive. Obviously, that was never the intention, but you don’t know which person you’ll offend today in 2020 territory.

Tangent #2: I was told the other day that it’s now offensive to call a dancing pole a stripper’s pole as they are in fact performers, dancers and should be recognised as such. Chill people, it’s just a name for a shining metal pole.

Some people took to identifying what was hot and others took to identifying what a wife was. In the reply below, our friends from the UK said no to marriage but yes to a long term ‘committed relationship:’

Hotwife tweet 2Again, this could be deemed subjective, some people consider a 6-month or 12-month relationship one that is long term. The definition on the web is a little grey on this topic however there were many references that suggest a long-term relationship was more than 3 years.

Here’s another two replies that felt the marriage portion was overrated and that being a #hotgirlfriend doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Although I would like to get #HotSoulMateButAlsoBFFGenderFluidPartner trending on twitter!

Hotwife tweet 3

Hotwife tweet 4

So really, if you don’t have to be a wife, do you have to be hot?!

Welcome to the subjective area of today’s post, ladies and gentlemen — hold on tight, because this one could get bumpy.

What makes someone hot?

Yes, there are levels of subjectivity to being attractive, there is more than just physical attractiveness and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. However, science has proven that there are many physical facial characteristics that many of us classify as attractive.

Symmetry, Asymmetry, Facial Hair, Eye Colour, Hair, Hair Colour all play a part. Let’s look at what some of our Twitter friends had to say on the matter of hot or not.

Hotwife tweet 5

Hotwife tweet 6

Tangent #3: I absolutely have a preferred type of lady and man I like to play with, I can describe to you what would make me turn my head at a Swingers Club and be interested to know more. Like many people, I’m also interested in you intellectually, and that will 100% sway my sexual interest.

So, What is a Hotwife?

An attractive lady in a long-term relationship who may engage with other people outside of her relationship with consent. The hotwife partner may be involved in her sexual dalliances in someway by joining a threesome or watching and is mostly aroused by their partners' interactions and motivated by their happiness.

Am I One?

Who knows?! Right now, I’m carrying some extra weight, so I am not feeling like a goddess of sexual prowess, and, therefore, maybe right now I’m a #WinoHotWife.

Swinging Downunder

Are You a Hotwife?

Come and share your journey with us on our podcast! We’re currently doing a series of podcast segments on hotwifing and millennial swingers! We’d love to hear from you on email at Browse our posts here on, too!

SDC ASN Lifestyle Magazine Swingers Adult Media January 2020

This article originally appeared in the January 2020 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.