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Get Out of Your Sexually Complacent State of Mind

They’ve all been in long-term relationships that have been suffering at the hands of time and a lack of sexual motivation.

Recently, I’ve had a few friends come up to me and ask about their sexual relationships with their partners. They’ve all been in long-term relationships that have been suffering at the hands of time and a lack of sexual motivation.

Sex just slips under the radar...

The fact is, sometimes when we get into relationships that are loving, important and mean the world to us, we often let things like sex slip under the radar because of day-to-day activities and other things. The problem starts festering if we start to get sexually complacent with our lovers. When we become sexually complacent with our lovers, we then start forgetting how to initiate sex. When we forget how to initiate sex, we then forget how sex makes us feel when we’re actually in the act. When we forget how sex makes us feel, we start to lose a piece of ourselves that contains one of the most powerful kinds of energies out there. Then, we may lose our pizzazz in other arenas in life and that spiral downward is a hard one to get out of.

However, there is a way to get out of that state of mind, even if your partner may also be sexually complacent. The funny thing is that once you start to get out of the spiral, your partner picks up on that energy and will follow your lead. Here are some simple steps to get you out of that downward spiral and bring your sexual relationship with your lover back to life!

Plan a sex date

Even if you like spontaneous sex and the thought of having a sex date upsets you, it helps to put your sex life back into motion. Plan a fun, sexy date with a high expectation of getting some. The key here is to focus on the expectation and manifest your sexual experience.

Get detail-oriented

This means you need to think about what kind of sex you want to have. In order to establish this, there’s one thing that you need to think about; what your partner would be pleased with. Would your partner need to ease into sex with missionary? Or maybe your partner would be pleasantly surprised with a private room at a sex club? Whatever they would like, make sure you know which moves will be the best moves (aka their favorite sexual positions/techniques) and make sure they happen during the sex part of your date.

Reflect on the sex

Because you haven’t had sex in a while, it’s best to reflect on the positive aspects of sex that brought you joy during your sex date. Whether you do this right afterward or the next day, it’s best to take the time to talk to your lover about what you liked, how they made you feel and what you look forward to for the next time that you have sex.  Reflection helps to drum up those old sparks, as well as start some new fires that you can look forward to for future sexual occurrences.

Getting out of a sexually complacent state of mind is something that is not easy to do. It takes a dramatic effort and some work, but it’s achievable. Remember, all relationships take a certain amount of work and it’s up to us to put in the effort to make sure that we keep our relationships fresh, new, and exciting. If not, it can lead to resentment, stunts in growth and personal evolution and physical/mental/emotional health issues. Cheers to your sexual success!!!

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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