Q is for Quality

It is important to discover what your own love language is, and that of your lover(s).

Quality time, quality experiences, quality connections… 

Have you heard of the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? A highly recommended read. Basically the five love languages are gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time.

It is important to discover what your own love language is, and that of your lover(s). Do you love to receive gifts? Is it more important for you to be told you are doing a great job? Do you like it when your loved one does things for you, like take the trash out, fix up the house or do the dishes? Or do you simply love to touch and be touched?

Quality Time and Connections

One of the five love languages is quality time. Do you love to spend quality time with your loved one(s)? Do you schedule quality time with your loved one(s)? In our busy lives it is important to make time for one another. Especially if you are a busy parent, or business person.

Scheduling time for each other is one of the keys to a successful, satisfying relationship. Scheduling quality time to be with each other can include planning a trip somewhere together, a romantic dinner for two, time to make love when the kids aren’t around, time to just “be” together, watch a movie, snuggle…

Developing quality connections with others in the open lifestyle can also enhance your swinging experience. Over the years my partner and I have developed some beautiful deep and meaningful connections with others. This helps deepen the lovemaking/sharing and takes it beyond just sex to a far more rewarding connection.

Quality Experiences

Quality experiences are those that you remember, that go down as special times in your life. Being sexually active is great for the health -- see my book Anti-Aging & Health Benefits of Sex. In my basic research project I did a survey of people in the lifestyle and there was an overwhelming response that supports the benefits of open relationships and not only the physical benefits, but also the emotional, mental and spiritual benefits of connecting with others.

If you have an experience in the lifestyle that doesn’t really fulfill you, then keep the adventure going and the exploration. When you find connections and experiences that are exciting, stimulating and enjoyable remember those and search out more or continue to stay in touch with those people that you really clicked with.

The swing community is very vast, and there are an amazing group of open minded, adventurous souls out there who love to connect with others.

Personally, when I meet new friends, I loved to get naked and explore the other persons body and see how we fit. It’s like my hand shake. I’d much rather get naked and make love than sit around and talk politics or the weather. You learn a lot about someone when you get naked and start exploring each other. If only all friendships and meetings started like that!

Make Time for Quality

For me, I make an effort to create quality time for those in my close circle of lovers. It can take some juggling schedule-wise, but it is so worth it. My partner loves to ride motorbikes so I plan trips away for us where we can ride. My “sister wife” loves to spend quality time with our man too, so I make sure to schedule quality time for them. And also for us together. We like to have morning walks together and catch up. My “girlfriend” time is super important for me, too. I have a close core group of amazing women in my life, and to spend quality time with them feeds my soul, too.

So, think about the special people in your life and what their love language is. There may be one love language that is super important for them. Discover what it is. It can make their day and enhance your relationship to give them what they really want. Flowers, messages of love, a massage, washing their car, or taking them out for dinner or a show. Why not look at what you can do for your loved on on all levels?

Quality time with your loved one(s) is important. Look at your relationships and plan some special time with those that you love. Plan a vacation -- there are some amazing swinger cruises, resorts and parties around. Or plan a special meal at home, or out. Schedule some romantic loving time or spontaneously give them some flowers, or a gift you know they will appreciate.

The greatest gift is love. And love comes in all different forms. Have fun discovering how you can package your love and gift it to those you love. The more we give the more we receive. Start planning on how you can share your love. Next is R for Respect…

Dr. Shelley

Originally from New Zealand, now based in Las Vegas, Dr Shelley has a PhD specializing in human sexuality and in particular open relationships and polyamory. She is the author of Soul Sex, and the Anti-Aging & Health Benefits of Sex. Dr Shelley teaches small group intensives, workshops and has been working with couples and individuals for 20 years focusing on making the world more sexually joyful. She is excited to share her latest writings Dr Shelley's A-Z of Sex.
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