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A is for Anal

When I first arrived in Los Angeles, many years ago, my partner and I were introduced to the swing scene by a couple who came to one of our book signings.

My posts will be based on my own personal experience in the life-style and also as a sexologist, working in this field for 20 years.

When I first arrived in Los Angeles, many years ago, my partner and I were introduced to the swing scene by a couple who came to one of our book signings. Initially they said, “You guys are total swingers…” to which I replied, “Well neither of us have tried swinging, not really our type of dancing…” to which she giggled and explained, “Not swing dancing… swinging as in open relationships and life-style parties…” We were fascinated and welcomed the invitation to join them at a party… they became life-long friends and we are still in touch today.

A great intro to How to Talk about Anal can be found on the Luxury Lifestyle Vacations blog here.


Discovering the language of sex


That was almost 20 years ago and we still enjoy the lifestyle together, and individually. I completed my PhD on the health benefits of sex and open relationships in 2013, and continue to teach small group workshops and work intimately with individuals and couples wanting to explore more and expand their sexual experiences.

I remember at one of the sex parties I went to in Los Angeles back in the early days, I was talking to a hot guy and he asked me if I spoke Greek… I had spent some time in Greece so responded in my limited Greek, to which he looked a little surprised… He then asked me if I spoke French, to which I responded in pretty good conversational French, even if I do say so myself! He gave me another strange look and asked if I spoke Asian? I said I had never been to Asia.

My girlfriend who was listening to the conversation broke out in hysterics! She laughed and laughed. When she finally stopped laughing she explained to me that he was talking in a sex innuendo language - speaking Greek referred to doing anal; speaking French referred to deep tongue kissing; and speaking Asian referred to licking the ass or rim jobs! A way of saying things without sounding crude. A code language! So now I get it when someone talks about speaking Greek, and I try not to automatically respond in my hippie backpack travel limited Greek.


Discovering Adult Movies


At another party we went to in LA, I was introduced to the concept of Adult Movies. Having a background in acting from my University days in New Zealand, I decided to pursue the movie industry in LA. So, I was chatting to this guy at the party and he said he was an Adult actor. Me, in my naivety, inquired “Adult as opposed to Children’s actor?” He laughed and proceeded to explain to me what the Adult Industry was all about. I was intrigued and wanted to find out more and experience it myself.

I have always been one not to comment or teach about anything unless I have had a personal experience of it. He was also a director/producer of Adult content for movies so we went ahead and planned a scene to be filmed at my place near the beach. I was a little concerned about having unprotected sex, but he explained the adult STD testing system. I was also still fertile and wasn’t interested in having babies or going on the pill so he very nicely offered to plan the shoot around my monthly cycle! What a thoughtful, considerate guy!

He also offered for me to attend a shoot beforehand to get an idea of what was entailed. That was fascinating. My shoot went ahead, and I still have the original VHS copy of it! I did quite a few in those first few years, and it is hilarious to go back and watch myself. I highly recommend doing an adult video shoot or setting up your own camera and filming yourself having sex. It is such a trip to see yourself on the screen. Several people over the years have commented that they have seen me on PPV in hotel rooms or on videos they have rented or downloaded. And I have helped several couples and individuals make their own home videos for their own personal use. It can help keep the relationship alive. Many have commented that they often refer back to their old videos for inspiration, and as a reminder of fun times they have had.

My casting agent then offered me some more interesting adult roles in mainstream movies requiring simulated sex scenes and nudity. I didn’t have an issue with being nude. And loved the simulated sex scenes. Although they did leave me very horny!

I was in a TV series called Six Feet Under, a movie called Auto Focus with Greg Kinnear and Willem Dafoe, and still get royalty checks for that one.

I was also invited to participate in a couple of different sex education video series for the Alexander Institute and the Sinclair Institute.


Introducing anal...


One video I dubiously said yes to was An Introduction to Anal. Never having ever explored or been interested in anal my first response was, “Hell no!” Then I realized that this was something I had never experienced before so why not take advantage of this opportunity? So I did. And it turned out really well. That particular segment, I know, has been shown in several adult sex education courses around the world! I think an added reason for that is because of the humorous side of it. I tried everything… massage, toys, lots of lube, lots of preparation, but when it finally came to the sexy shower scene where I was supposed to receive, I just couldn’t take it! I was too tight! But rather than stop the scene there I suggested doing anal on my male partner instead! And this turn around was what made it humorous and ended up being very educational!

Over the years I have become more comfortable with anal play.

I agree with the blog on LLV.com, I like to know in advance if anal play will be desired on the menu and I like to prepare myself, by cleaning out and soaping up really well. And also I like to tease myself and prepare myself in advance, too. I have a couple of favorite toys that work for me (in particular the gold vibrating necklace by Crave), and sometimes I use a butt plug, too.


Just explore and have fun


I know my limits size-wise with toys or the real thing, and have grown to enjoy more and more anal play. It’s still not my favorite, but something I am willing to continue to explore the pleasures of. I have some girlfriends who love it, and some who even prefer it to vaginal sex.

I encourage everyone (girls and guys) to explore that area of their body, by yourself first, and then with another. The anus is filled with subtle feelings and nerve endings. We store a lot in our anus! To be able to relax that area of the body and explore the sensations there can be quite the adventure! I also incorporate anal pressure-point massage into my erotic massage and healing workshops. I will be writing about that under E for Eroticism.




Many of my clients, couples and individuals, love to explore that area. It is extremely common these days for males to enjoy this exploration, as well as females. So, if you haven’t… Go for it! And suggest it to your partner. Sexual Adventurers Unite! This is why we are attracted to websites like this, enjoy traveling with like-minded people, attend workshops/playshops focused on sexual matters, and go on adventures all around the world, literally! Greece, France, Asia…!! Next is B for Bisexuality…

Dr. Shelley

Originally from New Zealand, now based in Las Vegas, Dr Shelley has a PhD specializing in human sexuality and in particular open relationships and polyamory. She is the author of Soul Sex, and the Anti-Aging & Health Benefits of Sex. Dr Shelley teaches small group intensives, workshops and has been working with couples and individuals for 20 years focusing on making the world more sexually joyful. She is excited to share her latest writings Dr Shelley's A-Z of Sex.
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