J is for Joy
If doing something doesn’t bring you joy, then reassess why you are doing it.

Find your joy! If doing something doesn’t bring you joy, then reassess why you are doing it. If being with someone no longer brings you joy, look at how you can bring joy into your life, and your self.


Be aware of your emotions


I remember being profoundly affected by a movie called Like Water for Chocolate. It was the story of a love affair where the guy married the older sister so he could be closer to the one he truly loved: the younger sister (the younger one couldn’t marry until the older sisters were married off). The younger sister was the cook in the house, and was responsible for making the wedding cake for her older sister. She was devastated that the man of her dreams was marrying her older sister and she cried into the wedding cake mix. Everyone who ate the wedding cake became violently ill and threw up (vomited). She had infused the cake mix with her energy, and her emotions and that was then transmitted to those who ate it.

Later on in the same movie, the guy sneaked into the kitchen when the little sister was preparing dessert for the family and they made love. She finished off making the dessert and infusing it with passion, desire and sexual energy so when everyone ate her dessert they all felt it and got hot and steamy and aroused!

So, be aware of the energy you put into your food as you prepare it. And also into any experience, including sexual experiences!


Energy follows awareness


When I was traveling around the world, one place I visited was a community in Senegal. They had a philosophy that truly affected me. “Travailler pour Dieu” which they translated as meaning literally, work for God or if you are going to do something, do it with love. Even if it is cleaning the toilets or doing manual work.

Where you focus your energy, that’s where you will be. If you focus on ill health, unhappiness, discontent, then that is what you will attract to you. If you focus on joy, and what brings you joy then that is what you will bring to you.

Energy follows awareness. This is a core foundation of the teachings my partner and I have shared around the world for more than 20 years. What you focus on is where your energy will go so use that power of the mind for your own gain!


Look for what brings you joy


Start by looking at what brings you joy. As I mentioned in I for Introspection, it is important to know yourself first and what brings you joy. Then explore what brings you joy with your loved one. If you end up doing something that is not enjoyable then reassess it, talk about it and aim for other experiences that do bring you joy.

This is a great measuring stick to look at our lives. Is my relationship bringing me joy? Is my job bringing me joy? Does my house make me joyful? Is what I am doing in my life bringing me joy? If not, then seriously look at how you can change that energy to joy, whether it is possible or whether you need to move away from that relationship or job or shift your energy regarding that situation. It may just take a shift in perspective. Or it may require radical change.


Sex can bring you much joy


Sexually - what brings you joy? What do you like? What brings your partner joy? What can you do to increase the joy factor in your love-making? Playfulness, laughter, not taking each other too seriously, finding the funny in awkward situations…

I have clients who have decided that they want to travel to far off places, but their partners don’t like traveling. So I am their travel companion. When one partner follows their joy and does what brings them joy it makes them a better partner and person.

I have also traveled with couples to destinations such as Hedonism in Jamaica. They like having someone with them who “knows the ropes” so to speak and can guide them in their experiences.




What would bring you joy in your life? What is your bucket list? Sexually and personally? Start making a list of things you would love to do in your life. And also what would you like to explore sexually? What would bring you joy? The happier we are within ourselves, the happier our relationships and life. Next is K for Kundalini…

Dr. Shelley

Originally from New Zealand, now based in Las Vegas, Dr Shelley has a PhD specializing in human sexuality and in particular open relationships and polyamory. She is the author of Soul Sex, and the Anti-Aging & Health Benefits of Sex. Dr Shelley teaches small group intensives, workshops and has been working with couples and individuals for 20 years focusing on making the world more sexually joyful. She is excited to share her latest writings Dr Shelley's A-Z of Sex.
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