Are You Managing Your Orgasms?

Yesterday, I was listening to this great TED Talk about managing your time or “procrastinating on purpose.”

Yesterday, I was listening to this great TED Talk about managing your time or “procrastinating on purpose.” I’m always so busy and I really needed to get some coaching about time management, so I figured I should listen to this while doing my ab and push-up exercises, since I’m a fan of multi-tasking.


The Focus Funnel


The speaker spoke of this great concept of the focus funnel, in which you need to think about your tasks in a particular way. Basically, in order to create more time for yourself, you need to pick one of the following: eliminate it, automate it or delegate it. If you can’t do any of these things, then you need to do it yourself and you need to decide whether you want to do it now or later. If it’s later, it goes back into the focus funnel until the task is done.

You should see my lists of things to do. It was overwhelming to even think about which things I could eliminate (none), automate (my bills) or delegate (like, 2 things).

Of course, I started to think about how this can relate to your orgasm.


The Orgasm Task


I don’t know about you, but my orgasm can definitely fall into the task category. Since I believe that orgasm and sexual energy is necessary to have an amazing and fulfilling life, I can’t leave it undone. Besides, we all know how we can get one if we haven’t had an orgasm in awhile.

A lot of times when I’m working with clients, I notice that those with low sex drives tend to eliminate their orgasms. For some reason, they haven’t seen it as something necessary, and this is usually due to some other factor, including their lack of communication or knowledge of their desire. This is a problem. If you can’t identify what brings you pleasure and what makes you horny and sexual, you can’t foster that necessary sexual energy to help guide you in your everyday life.


Automated Orgasm


If you haven’t eliminated your orgasm, it can move on to the second item, which is to automate. Of course, automating your orgasm isn’t an easy task. Automating your orgasm can be thought about in a couple of ways: 1) Using vibrators/p-spot stimulation or 2) Watching porn. For those with vulvas and vaginas and who are used to vibrators, it’s usually a sure thing that you will be able to have an automatic orgasm. The same for those folks with a prostate who can stimulate the prostate with automatic prostate massagers. Another way to automate the orgasm is to watch porn. Although, I don’t endorse watching it often, when you do watch it, it’s a great way to reach orgasm fast because it short-circuits your brain, therefore, automating your orgasm.


Delegated Orgasm


If your orgasm is not to be eliminated or automated, hopefully, it can be delegated. I feel like this is the best kind of delegation. If you have a lover that can consistently give you amazing orgasms because they know exactly how your body works, delegating that orgasm can be such a wonderful thing. Sometimes, it’s great to be selfish and to ask your lover if they could aid you in achieving orgasm. Of course, a whole sex session would be ideal, but if you must get that orgasm to release stress, anxiety, or just plain horniness, delegation can always be a good thing with a lover who can deliver.




And when all else doesn’t apply, there’s always a good old-fashioned masturbation with your hands or other accessible resources. Besides, you should know your body well enough to know what you like and how you can get there. If you don’t know, come see me! Cheers to your sexual success!

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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