Female Ejaculation

Female ejaculation can be achieved by most women with patience and practice. However Western culture, unfortunately, has many limitations that make things more difficult.
In Rwanda female ejaculation ("squirting") is considered sacred, but in the U.S. it's often described as "elusive." Is it "elusive" because of a lack of emphasis on women's pleasure in Western culture... or is female ejaculation really that difficult to achieve? Female ejaculation can be achieved by most women with patience and practice. However Western culture, unfortunately, has many limitations that make things more difficult.

Matriarch vs Patriarch


I should note that my understanding is limited regarding the origin and specific sexual practices in Rwandan culture. However, it appears one of the key distinctions is that Rwandan culture has historically been matriarchal, while Western culture tends to be patriarchal. This set-up of having women in leadership roles and having higher status than men appears to have set the stage hundreds of years ago for experimentation and creation of sexual techniques that are beneficial for women, as well as men. This appears to have led to the creation of techniques called "Kachabali" or "Kunyaza" which refer to specific techniques a man performs to help the woman quickly achieve orgasm, and often female ejaculation. Beyond the profound cultural difference, I believe there are four main distinctions between these approaches.

Viewing the experience as enjoying the moment instead of focusing on the goal of orgasm.


The man often views "giving" the woman an orgasm or causing ejaculation a goal to achieve. The woman may also have anxiety if she is afraid she won't achieve orgasm. This can be her fear that there's "something wrong with her" or her concern for her partner's ego. This focus on the end result prevents both people, particularly the woman, from enjoying the actual process. To really enjoy the experience, most people need to be able to let go and just enjoy the moment without worrying if they will achieve orgasm. Once they are able to lose themselves in the moment, they can usually become easily orgasmic, and even multi-orgasmic. But the orgasms are a result of enjoying the process instead of being the goal itself. Practices where the goal is to experience the process and not the end result, are more likely to help women be in the mindset to become highly orgasmic and achieve female ejaculation. These include Tantra, Taoist Yoga, and it appears the above mentioned Kachabali/Kunyza techniques from Rwanda.

The cultural belief that women deserve pleasure for its own sake, and should seek it without being embarrassed.


This topic is rarely talked about in Western culture, but since the late 1400s a shift occurred in European and later most Western cultures where women's sexual enjoyment was no longer viewed as important. Prior to that, there was a widespread belief that women needed to achieve orgasm and pleasure to release her "seed" as well. The most horrific situations of this occurred if a woman was raped. The judges would often wait to see if she became pregnant. If she did they would assume she seduced the man and would be punished instead of the man. Women were conditioned to guard their sexuality and focus it only on married procreation. Many times, women were taught to believe it was the man's responsibility to "give her" an orgasm and she should play a passive role. While a man was considered to be "powerful", "successful" and "virile" if he slept with many women, a woman would be considered a "whore," "slut" or other misogynistic names if she had as many partners. If you look, there is no analogous word for women to the word "virile." This often left women being scared to express their true sexual desire and embarrassed to ask their partner to do something for their pleasure, as well. To become highly orgasmic, it is best if women can be comfortable with their desire to receive pleasure for its own sake and their own benefit, instead of worrying about the outcome for their partner (or their partner's ego). This is needed to both fully enjoy the experience and let go and be in the moment.

The belief that it is possible, without worrying if the end result of female ejaculation does occur.


Another distinction is that if there is a cultural belief that it is possible, it is usually easier to achieve it. If Rwandan culture brings women up to enjoy their sexuality and orgasm, and it's common knowledge that they do, it's easier to accept it's possible. As long as this is approached from the standpoint that it's totally OK if they don't achieve orgasm at the moment, but that they need to just enjoy the process, odds are they will sooner or later. This, again, is where having a supportive partner is important. For example, since the time of the Greeks, no one could break the 4-minute mile. Then on May 6th, 1954 Rober Banister broke the historic record. Up to that point, it was assumed not humanly possible. Soon after that many others did the same, and continue to today. Did the human race suddenly have an evolutionary jump? Or was it just a change in belief for what is possible? While female ejaculation now seems to be "in vogue," many women approach it with apprehension and concern if they can't achieve it. These negative feelings combined with the question if it's even possible for them often causes them to not be able to relax enough to enjoy the experience and achieve the results they desire.

Using techniques that effectively stimulate the woman.


Another huge distinction is that the men in Rwanda appear to be trained in techniques that are highly effective. Most "education" about female ejaculation in Western culture comes from porn, which often "teaches" things that aren't accurate. While it is now popular for the man to make the woman achieve ejaculation, they rarely know what to do. As well, the stimulation needed to achieve ejaculation takes longer than they are often used to. So, to the woman's disappointment, he stops before she achieves orgasm, not realizing he was very close.

Two key methods that appear to be widely used in Kachabali/Kunyza are:


Gently "slapping" the entire vulval area either with the penis, fingers or tongue.  Based on my research observations, this slapping, particularly when done four or more times per second sends stimulation deeper into the vulva than most surface clitoral stimulation. This causes a very different effect because much of the clitoris is located internally, from the suspensory ligament to the crua on each side of the vulva and the corresponding bulbocavernosus areas. This type of stimulation both effects a larger part of the clitoris, as well as stimulates it at a different frequency than rapid clitoral stimulation. There are four different sensory receptors that detect mechanical sensation including the: Merkel cells, the Meissner's corpuscles, the Pacinian corpuscles, and the Ruffini corpuscles. As well, there are free nerve endings that can quickly switch to pain sensation if there is overly intense stimulation in one area. In most cases, this "slapping" technique is much more effective for stimulation than just focusing on the clitoris. Another technique that is effective is using the penis to rock back and forth and side to side to stimulate the walls of the vagina instead of just thrusting inward. This technique combined with the above "slapping" would be highly effective. Most men in Western culture are taught to use their finger to make a “come here” motion, stroking the upper inner wall of the vagina (the G-spot). While this can be effective, most men's forearms tire out after a few minutes and they stop, leaving the woman highly aroused but hanging there without achieving orgasm. There are manual techniques that can be used effectively for stimulating the G-spot, A-spot and O-spot, as well as approaches (and positions to lay and place your hand/arm) that allow the man to maintain constant stimulation for the 5-20 minutes required. If they learn to do this and make sure their arms are "in shape," most men can help women in the process of achieving multiple orgasms and female ejaculation. However, the above areas still need to be addressed so they can both relax and enjoy the process.


Dr. Steve McGough, D.H.S is the Director of R&D, CTO hi® Master Level instructor and Director of R&D at Women and Couples Wellness, LLC, Associate Professor of Clinical Sexology, Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Steve is regularly interviewed by outlets such as Prevention, Redbook, CNBC, MSN, Women’s Health, Medical Daily, Glamour, Ask Men, etc. Steve McGough discovered the technology behind “hi” when trying to help Wendy (his wife) recover from a tragedy.

Dr. Steve McGough

"Dr. Steve McGough the author of numerous books dealing with wellness, massage, and intimacy. He has a Doctorate of Human Sexuality from the IASHS, and a BS in Biochemistry (focusing on nutrition) from UNC-Chapel Hill. Steve has an extensive background in massage and various Asian healing practices. He's the Director of R&D at Women and Couples Wellness, and a professor of Clinical Sexology. During graduate research, Steve developed new techniques to help women with anorgasmia (inability to achieve orgasm). Through this, he's worked with several thousand women and couples researching female orgasm. Steve has been published in academic journals on topics ranging from neuroscience research to sexology. He has multiple US & International patents in areas for women's pelvic and sexual health. A distinction with his approach is the view that sexual health is an integral part of overall health. Steve is frequently interviewed in Prevention, Women's Health, Medical Daily, CNBC, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Ask Men, etc. He & his wife Wendy frequently teach at Young Swingers Week, Naughty N Nawlins, Hedonism II, etc.
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1 Comments
  • Anonymous
VALLEYDREAMERS
Jul 10, 2020
Such a great and relevant topic!! Where is your primary practice??
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