T is for Tenderness
Tenderness, Touch and Tongues!

Tenderness, Touch and Tongues!

To be tender to feel to be gentle to slow things down to show you care: That it’s not just about getting your rocks off or having a mind-blowing orgasm, but to show that you care about the other person. To be tender with yourself, too. Not to push yourself too hard. To take time for you. And for each other. To just “be.”


The Tenderness of Touch


Touch is a gift, an expression of our love. Touch is one of the five love languages. To touch and be touched is the greatest gift of these physical bodies. To lie naked with someone and explore their body through touch is so beautiful.

To explore the body through touch, and also with the tongue. The tongue is super sensitive. To touch the tip of the tongue to another’s tongue… to use your tongue to explore all the different erogenous zone… including the earlobes, the neck, the nipples, the belly button, the genital area, the anus, behind the knees, the toes. Have fun being the sexual adventurers that you are, and enjoy giving and receiving the tongue!

The touch of the one who loves you is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other. To lie wrapped up in the arms of someone who adores you, cherishes you, would give anything for you… to lie there enveloped in that blissful bubble of not having to do anything or go anywhere. That feeling of just being wrapped up in love.


The Power of Touch


Spooning is such a beautiful thing to do. I highly recommend finishing every love session with a spooning moment, even if just for a short while, just long enough to connect the heart, feel the person you are with, breathe with them in unison, and feel that merging of energy fields. And when you find that place of connectedness to then melt into an expanded energy reality. Expanding that blissful, orgasmic energy to include those around you, the others in the room or on the ship you are cruising on, or to your community, your family, your loved ones, all living beings, and expand that out to the whole planet… (But more on that in U for Universe).

Recently, on one of the cruises hosted by SDC my play-shop culminated in a massive pile of orgasmic bodies intertwined, stimulated, activated, peacefully satisfied, merging as one, expanding the energy created out into the ship, out to their families and loved ones, and encircling this beautiful planet we are blessed to be on. Such a beautiful blissful moment. Imagine all the people, living life as one. That was definitely a memorable moment in my many years of facilitating workshops. I could feel the energy created and see the sea of skin of merging bodies and imagined a world that existed just like this, and realized it does! We created that world in that moment. That is our world. We are powerful sexual beings, and when we realize that every time we make love and orgasm we are creating a powerful energy that then vibrates out into our world.

Makes me want to make more love! You?


The Power of Sex


When I realized the power of sex, and of two people merging sexually and the energy that is created, I was inspired to focus my PhD research on the healing power of sex. Not only the physical benefits of sexually interacting with another (see S for Sex and Spirituality), but also the healing power of touch of closeness, tenderness, and togetherness. I see this community of sexually open people as truly making a difference in this world. The focus on sex and coming together naked, in union, sharing our love, making love… so different to the world around us, yet this community of sexually open people is massive. There are so many of us around the world! Everywhere I go I meet the most amazing people. I attract those who are in this lifestyle, those who see the beauty of connecting not only socially and intellectually, but also sexually.

When people come together physically and connect their sexual centers, the power released is like a coiled snake set free… (see K for Kundalini). Sex is powerful. That is why it has been suppressed for so long by religion and governments. Now it is our time to take back what is rightfully ours; our sexual power, our sexual empowerment and realize that by doing what we love, we can make a difference. By connecting sexually with our loved one(s) and expanding that circle of love to include others who are also sexually open, can be a powerful healing force that then flows on out into our lives.

To deny your sexual energy, and suppress it is a slap in the face of God, if you like. It’s like saying: I know you gave me this body with which to enjoy, but I chose not to honor it and give myself what I desire. Everyone desires love and loving touch is one of the most beautiful things we can experience.


How Touch and Sex Intertwine


My perfect moment, for me, is each time I am wrapped up in the arms of my beloved and drift off into an orgasmic, expanded, relaxed state of being.

I remember one time when I was living in Marina del Rey, and was contacted by a gentleman who had a specific request and was not sure if I would be comfortable with it. His elderly father was bedridden. Widowed, he was in his late '80s and his son knew he craved the touch of a woman. His son simply wanted me to go over to his apartment, the caregiver would leave, and all he wanted me to do was gently hold his father. How beautiful is that! Of course I said yes, but had to slow my movements down. I am a very high-energy being and to shift gears and tune into this 88-year-old man and his needs took some adjustment. When I was able to fully merge with him, feel his breath and his skin next to mine, we melted -- and in that very tender moment I felt him let go and surrender…

Not long after his son informed me that his father had passed and thanked me for giving him that one last experience of closeness.

Tenderness. Touch. We all need more of that!




Too many times in our busy lives we rush from one thing to the next, and it's even hard to carve out time for ourselves and our loved one(s). So to slow things down and complete that sexual interaction with some cuddle time helps center the experience, and deepen the connection. Make a commitment to yourself to give and receive more touch, more tenderness. To ask for a cuddle. To request your lover to hold you to spoon you, after you orgasm and inspire them to connect, deeper, closer… to become one and feel that beautiful blissful state. Next is U for Universe, that expands upon this concept.

Dr. Shelley

Originally from New Zealand, now based in Las Vegas, Dr Shelley has a PhD specializing in human sexuality and in particular open relationships and polyamory. She is the author of Soul Sex, and the Anti-Aging & Health Benefits of Sex. Dr Shelley teaches small group intensives, workshops and has been working with couples and individuals for 20 years focusing on making the world more sexually joyful. She is excited to share her latest writings Dr Shelley's A-Z of Sex.
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