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In What Ways Can Your Sex Life Reveal Relationship Problems?

Dr. Steve McGough lets us in on a few ways your sex life can reveal problems in your relationship.

Unfortunately, our relationships aren’t always all roses and sunshine and good days. While there can be glaring clues that there’s trouble in paradise (arguing, lack of interest in a life together, disdain, etc.), sometimes it’s the more subtle issues that cause the main rift to happen. And more often than not those subtle problems happen between the sheets.

Dr. Steve McGough lets us in on a few ways your sex life can reveal problems in your relationship.


Faking Orgasms


Many women don't achieve orgasm during intercourse (the statistics vary, but most don't based on our observations). However, many women fake it. The challenge is that they aren't being open with their partner about a fundamental need.

Plus, one study indicated that women who fake their orgasms are more likely to cheat on their partner(1).


Sexual Avoidance


If you avoid sex or consider it an obligation, this can be an indicator of potential problems.

It can be that you have negative feelings related to your partner and this shuts down your desire. That lack of desire could be caused by many different things, ranging from just being annoyed to major issues such as infidelity, etc.

However, it also may not be due to your relationship, but caused by other factors. These factors still need to be addressed to have a healthy sex life and relationship.


Lack of Interest from your Partner


Even if you tell your partner what you want sexually and they don't show interest in finding ways to satisfy you, this is a sign you may need to have a serious talk with them about other areas of the relationship. Or they may just not know how, which can be discovered together if you are willing to explore the possibilities.


Other Factors that Could be Playing a Role


- Not having experience with your own body and knowing what you want sexually.

- Being embarrassed to tell your partner what you want sexually so you get little sexual satisfaction other than brief intimacy.

- Being exhausted and stressed from work, caring for children, parents, etc.

- Having past traumatic sexual experiences, sometimes that you don't even realize. This should likely be addressed with a qualified counselor, but sadly as many as 1 in 4 women have been abused sexually in one way or another. It's possible repressed memories of this that can keep you from enjoying the experience.


What might a woman think or do or say during sex that can reveal a problem?


If a woman is consistently thinking about being with another partner, this could be an indicator of a problem. However, it could also just be healthy fantasy. In my opinion, relationships are best when they are honest and the partners can truly tell each other what they want, and they can fantasize with the confidence that the other partner will accept and not judge them.


Why is it that your sex life can reveal deeper things about your relationship?


It is an indicator of how connected you are on physical and emotional levels.


Reference


  1. Innes, Emma. “Women Who Fake Orgasms Are ‘More Likely to Cheat on Their Partner.’” Mail Online, 20 Nov. 2013, www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2510497/Women-fake-orgasms-likely-cheat-partner.html. Accessed 26 Oct. 2021.


Dr. Steve McGough

"Dr. Steve McGough the author of numerous books dealing with wellness, massage, and intimacy. He has a Doctorate of Human Sexuality from the IASHS, and a BS in Biochemistry (focusing on nutrition) from UNC-Chapel Hill. Steve has an extensive background in massage and various Asian healing practices. He's the Director of R&D at Women and Couples Wellness, and a professor of Clinical Sexology. During graduate research, Steve developed new techniques to help women with anorgasmia (inability to achieve orgasm). Through this, he's worked with several thousand women and couples researching female orgasm. Steve has been published in academic journals on topics ranging from neuroscience research to sexology. He has multiple US & International patents in areas for women's pelvic and sexual health. A distinction with his approach is the view that sexual health is an integral part of overall health. Steve is frequently interviewed in Prevention, Women's Health, Medical Daily, CNBC, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Ask Men, etc. He & his wife Wendy frequently teach at Young Swingers Week, Naughty N Nawlins, Hedonism II, etc.
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