When She's Faked It
It happens to the best of us: We fake it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something that couples should talk about and try to rectify. After all, the idea of a secual encounter is for both parties to enjoy the whole experience.
Dr. Steve McGough walks us through some suggestions for women who’ve previously “faked it” with a partner, and how they can achieve orgasm more often when engaging in sexual activities with partners.
Wanting to Make it Better
Sometimes, it's better to try new things that lead to what you want without actually talking about it. However, if the question does come up, I think it's best to tell the truth. It's usually easier on your partner’s ego though if you say it from the standpoint that you want to enhance both your and their experiences, so you can feel wilder and freer together. This changes the focus from "not being good enough" to "wanting to make it better."
Following are a series of questions to ask yourself or your partner if they want to make things better in the bedroom.
Can you achieve orgasm on your own via masturbation?
If yes, is it via clitoral stimulation (which is the most common way most women achieve orgasm)?
Is the partner stimulating you manually, with toys or orally or is it just via intercourse?
If it's just via intercourse, see if you can convince your partner to try more clitoral stimulation. Another thought is to see if they'd let you use a vibrator.
If you're concerned that this will hurt their feelings, tell them you want to get wilder and give them a show. Then masturbate to orgasm in front of them (with a vibrator or your hand). Most partners will be really turned on by this. Then offer for them to try it on you after a few minutes because most women can achieve orgasm more readily after they've had one (and rested a few minutes). Tell them you're going to be a dominatrix for a little while and give them instructions.
See if your partner can incorporate this into your regular love-making. If they are resistant, offer to give them a separate time to stimulate them however they want -- just because you want to.
After achieving orgasm this way, try incorporating it (ideally after you've had your first orgasm) during intercourse. There are several positions that are best, such as the partner standing by the bed with your legs up around his arms while you lay on the bed with a pillow under your rear.
This way you don't actually address it because I don't recommend lying. If your partner asks why you’re suddenly showing this wild side, tell them you read an article that turned you on. As you have more real orgasms, tell you’re partner they're so much better than they used to be.
If you can't achieve orgasm on your own - you have some homework to do
Set aside some time so you can explore your own sexuality, by yourself. Vibrators and other types of sex toys can help many women achieve orgasm when they couldn't before.
Once you can achieve orgasm, try to masturbate on a regular basis to get the neural pathways established. Fantasize about doing this in front of your partner like mentioned above.
Then try the above where you do what works for you to achieve orgasm in front of and with your partner.
If you can't achieve orgasm alone or there is any type of pain, it might be time to contact a coach or health professional. The inability to achieve orgasm is no longer a problem with you or your partner if you’re experience pain or discomfort. It's just something that many women experience. In this case, I recommend being honest and telling your partner you want to make things better for both of you. If you rpartner is resistant, again demonstrate how you'll act once they do "make you go crazy" by doing something they really like, sexually. This shifts it to excitement and curiosity versus defensive.
Dr. Steve McGough, D.H.S is the Director of R&D, CTO hi® Master Level instructor and Director of R&D at Women and Couples Wellness, LLC, Associate Professor of Clinical Sexology, Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Steve is regularly interviewed by outlets such as Prevention, Redbook, CNBC, MSN, Women’s Health, Medical Daily, Glamour, Ask Men, etc. Steve McGough discovered the technology behind “hi” when trying to help Wendy (his wife) recover from a tragedy.