Aim to Please & Please to Aim (until Orgasm)
When it comes to sex, many of us are people pleasers.

When it comes to sex, many of us are people pleasers. The way to building our arousal becomes dependent on our lover’s satisfaction and if our lover isn’t pleased, then we aren’t pleased and it makes for a very difficult sexual situation. However, when our lovers are pleased, that’s when we become the most turned on and the ability to orgasm becomes easier.


Why do we aim to please?


We aim to please for several reasons: 1) We enjoy the company of our lover(s); 2) It helps us with intimate, emotional and or physical bonding, and; 3) It helps build our ego and confidence with our sexual techniques. Overall, it helps us to feel good about ourselves and with the person(s) that we’re with.


How do you achieve that pleasing level?


There are several ways you can aim to please someone: 1) Pay attention to what they say to you and implement it into your sexual techniques; 2) Pay attention to what their body is saying to you while you’re implementing the sexual techniques and; 3) Give feedback in the form of dialogue or moaning that indicates that you are enjoying the pleasure that you’re giving them. Aiming to please is a form of conquering a goal in which you want to achieve, which brings us to the next point of being able to please to aim until orgasm.


It's all about that orgasmic goal


Pleasing to aim until orgasm is total goal-oriented behavior. It is about pleasing your lover until you are able to get the orgasm that you want them to have. It is also about getting as close to your orgasm as possible (and if you’re turned on enough, coming to orgasm without touching yourself!). When you’re goal-oriented and persistent, you will get what you want, provided that you make the right moves at the right moment and with the right attitude.




Overall, pleasing to aim requires persistence, erotic acuity and sexual intelligence. Having all these things will help you achieve the prowess that you need to please your lovers and please yourself! Next week we’ll talk more about sexual intelligence, so make sure you check your email for updates! Cheers to your sexual success!

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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