Too Busy For Sex?

People are having less sex because they’re too tired or stressed or inundated with so much information that their mind doesn’t want to go there because sex is almost burdensome, as just another “thing” on their list.

I read an article this past week about a 100-year-old sex therapist who is still practicing. She’s practiced so long that she’s seen the changes from the “frantic” sexual revolution to the current information age where people are constantly busy in the rat race. So busy, in fact, that people are having less sex because they’re too tired or stressed or inundated with so much information that their mind doesn’t want to go there because sex is almost burdensome, as just another “thing” on their list.

If this is something that you have been through or if it’s something that you are currently going through, here are some strategies to help you boost your sex life.


Embrace a “no technology day.”


With all the information being thrown at us, getting rid of your technology for a day helps you to find other ways to get connected. Going out with friends, spending quality time with your partner or doing something creative will help you take your mind off of your cell phone and other technological distractions. Another strategy would also be to turn off your cell phone for a certain period of time every single day and make a habit out of spending quality time with your lover.


Plant a sex seed.


If sex is on your mind, warm them up by planting a sex seed. A sex seed could be anything from a sexy note or text in the morning to bigger hints, like leaving a sex toy somewhere where your partner can find it.  Whatever it is, use the sex seed as a hint so that sex will be on their mind all day. Whether you have sex that day or not, at least, it will be on their mind and hopefully, follow-through will happen within the next two days. Look at it as long-term foreplay.


Learn to say “no” and limit the amount of things that you are involved in.


This is personally a hard one for me because I love taking on new projects and working on all sorts of things.  However, getting involved in too many things hinders the amount of time that you could be having sex. In addition, if you’re partnered, sharing household responsibilities also helps to free up time for more sex.




Using these three tactics will help revitalize your sex life because not only are you limiting the amount of stress in your life, but you are also creating space for new and exciting things for your sexual life. Being creative with your life helps you to manage all the things in your life, all while making minimal effort. Cheers to your sexual success!

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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