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Bring Variety to Your Sex Life

It happens: Relationships run stale sometimes.

It happens: Relationships run stale sometimes. Routines set in, and things can seem a little too “normal.” And while a volatile partnering isn’t the goal, neither is a mundane one. So, what to do?

Well, Dr. Steve McGough walks us through some easy-to-try techniques you can try with your partner to bring variety and spice to the bedroom and your relationship.

Play the "Follow the Goose Bump" game

This highly stimulating technique is from our "Intimacy Massage" program, which is an evolution of a method called "Sensate Focusing" created by Sex Research Pioneers Masters & Johnson.

Before we start, there’s a fine line between arousing & sensual goose bumps that tickle “just enough” and annoying your partner. Also, this is for both men and women. Men often don't realize how much they enjoy touch and overlook the experience. We've found that doing this on a regular basis helps increase people's overall sensitivity to touch, which benefits in intimate situations, as well.

Have your partner lay on their side while you gently kiss, stroke, and blow on or lick different parts of their neck and ear. Start with one part and try to notice if it causes goose bumps to form somewhere else on their body. This tends to be on the sides of the chest, rear, thighs or legs & lower back. Everyone is slightly different in how they will react.

Once you find the goose bump area, gently stroke and almost tickle the area. Repeat kissing, etc. the area on the neck, and stroking. If you don’t get a clear goose-bump reaction in that spot, move slightly to another area. Or, if you’ve gotten a nice goose-bump response, continue there for a little while and then move to another spot on their neck and repeat the process. Keep exploring as long as you have time.

After you’ve given lots of goose bumps on that side, do a few strokes from as far down the ankle as you can reach to the top of the ribs. The first couple should be very light and possibly cause more goose bumps. Then do a few more strokes, but more firmly this time to help soothe away the goose bumps.

Switch over and repeat “following the goose bump” on the other side while the receiver faces you. Once you’ve explored all the areas of the neck, ears, collar bones, etc. repeat the process of first lightly stroking from as low on the legs as you can reach to upwards along your partner’s body; to the top. Finish with several firm strokes to relax the goose bumps away.

This method appears to cause a stimulation "loop" to occur between the goose bumps and neck/ears, and is highly arousing to most people.

"Breathing as One"

This technique is from our "Intimacy Massage" program, as well.

Get in a comfortable “spooning” position and place your hand on their belly or wherever things are comfortable for both of you. Now, have your partner in front breathe deeply with their belly, hold it for a few seconds and then slowly exhale, hold for a few seconds then repeat the breathing process. There’s no specific time frame for each part at this stage.

The main goal for the partner in front is to just feel the breath coming in and going out. They should also breathe at a pace that is comfortable for them. Any pace is fine; just try to breathe deeply to the belly. Whatever the rhythm, the goal is to feel good.

As your partner slowly breathes, feel their belly rise and fall, and try to match your breathing with theirs. Focus on feeling your breath and how it matches your partner’s.

You just made them feel good in a genuine act of loving affection, now savour the relaxation you likely feel, as well. For the partner lying behind following their breath, also notice the feeling of your partner breathing with you. Most people find this very pleasant and almost hypnotic. Continue doing this for as long as you like.

Later, try this during intercourse. Stop thrusting and simply breathe together for a few minutes, then start again. This works well when the woman is on top and the man follows her breath, but there are unlimited variations.

Try a Blindfold and a Surprise

Get a soft cloth or something that will be a comfortable blindfold. Then flip a coin to decide who wears it. Sometimes just the anticipation and excitement of not knowing what will happen can really amp things up.

Erotic Homework for the Blindfold and Surprise

First, do a little homework. Each partner thinks of things that might be exciting to do to the other partner if they were blindfolded. Do online searches for exciting ideas - just don't tell each other what your plans are. Then the morning you're planning to have your new "game" one partner flips a coin and calls it in the air to decide if they are going to be the person who's blindfolded.

Get a soft cloth that's large (or go all out and get an actual blindfold) one partner agrees to be unclothed in the bathroom and the other puts the blindfold on them. Once they're blindfolded the other partner proceeds with what they planned from their "homework."

Bet on the Outcome

I should pre-qualify that I never think that sexual activity should be used as a "commodity" for couples -- where one partner uses sex as a way to barter -- as this can lead to many bad issues over time. That being said, as long as both of you agree that this is just for fun, try this new way to wager. Pick a sporting event or similar event where there are two groups competing and one wins. For instance, if one partner is really into sports, make a bet with them about which team wins. Whoever wins the wager gets any kind of sexual stimulation they would like best (as long as both partners have mutually consented, of course).

Pillow Fight

How long has it been since you've had a really good pillow fight? A good one can get your blood pumping so you're ready for the next steps.

Get Busy Outside the Bedroom

Assuming you have the house to yourself, make it a point to have sex in every room of the house.

Surprise Your Partner with a Sexy Note

Leave a note where your partner will find it telling them what you're going to do to them when they get home

Watch Porn Together

Take turns watching whatever type of porn you like. Sometimes women are shy to do this, but there are also many women-targeted styles of porn that can catch their interest. If you want to amp this up a bit, take turns where one partner watches porn while the other stimulates them sexually. This is also a great time to add in sex toys.

Get a "Stimulating Lubricant"

Many intimate lubricants are now available even in large chain stores and pharmacies. Try different brands that are "stimulating." While there are no major studies, numerous people find lubricants that contain L-Argenine to be very helpful for women. Just read the instruction, and let nature take its course.

Dr. Steve McGough, D.H.S is the Director of R&D, CTO hi® Master Level instructor and Director of R&D at Women and Couples Wellness, LLC, Associate Professor of Clinical Sexology, Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Steve is regularly interviewed by outlets such as Prevention, Redbook, CNBC, MSN, Women’s Health, Medical Daily, Glamour, Ask Men, etc. Steve McGough discovered the technology behind “hi” when trying to help Wendy (his wife) recover from a tragedy.

Dr. Steve McGough

"Dr. Steve McGough the author of numerous books dealing with wellness, massage, and intimacy. He has a Doctorate of Human Sexuality from the IASHS, and a BS in Biochemistry (focusing on nutrition) from UNC-Chapel Hill. Steve has an extensive background in massage and various Asian healing practices. He's the Director of R&D at Women and Couples Wellness, and a professor of Clinical Sexology. During graduate research, Steve developed new techniques to help women with anorgasmia (inability to achieve orgasm). Through this, he's worked with several thousand women and couples researching female orgasm. Steve has been published in academic journals on topics ranging from neuroscience research to sexology. He has multiple US & International patents in areas for women's pelvic and sexual health. A distinction with his approach is the view that sexual health is an integral part of overall health. Steve is frequently interviewed in Prevention, Women's Health, Medical Daily, CNBC, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Ask Men, etc. He & his wife Wendy frequently teach at Young Swingers Week, Naughty N Nawlins, Hedonism II, etc.
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