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Adult Toys and Long-Term Couples

Dr. Steve McGough explains the main reasons long-term couples should considering adding adult toys to their sexual encounters.
Integrating adult toys into any relationship can be an exciting change of routine. However, it can be even more intense and adventurous in a long-term relationship. Dr. Steve McGough explains the main reasons long-term couples should considering adding adult toys to their sexual encounters.

Why should long-term couples use adult toys?

Extra stimulation Frequently, women need extra stimulation to achieve orgasm. In some situations, this can be the only way the woman can achieve orgasm. In many other cases, women who initially could not achieve orgasm alone or with their partner do while using a vibrator or G-spot stimulation device. Once she has experienced this several times, she can achieve orgasm in other ways. Avoid the orgasm gap For whatever reason, women frequently require much longer stimulation that is specific for their needs to achieve orgasm. This often leaves an "orgasm gap" where one partner achieves orgasm but the other doesn't. Over time, this can cause the woman to lose interest in sex as life becomes more hectic. Only a small percentage (many say approximately 10% or less) of women achieve orgasm through intercourse alone. Studies have also shown that as many as 43% of women are not satisfied with their sex lives. Achieve orgasm more quickly It allows couples to both achieve orgasms more quickly. This is a major issue as couple’s relationships evolve and life becomes busier from work, children, etc., leaving little time for intimacy.

What are ways you'd recommend couples begin to explore adult toys?

First, talk about what each thinks about sex toys. My observation has been that most people are open to the idea of using sex toys. Men, particularly if they are over 50 or from some more male-centric cultures, seem more resistant but not always. If you aren't comfortable with bringing it up, use a magazine article or similar media talking about it to open up the topic. Once both partners are into the idea, look online and read reviews. If there is a local sex toy store that is reputable, plan to visit it and ask the attendant questions. Watch videos online (either YouTube or porn channels) that teach sex toy techniques. There is a lot more to technique involved with sex toys than most people think. Also, check that the products you buy are rated as phthalate free and "safe." There is very little regulation in this industry, and many things are sold that are potentially dangerous.

What are some of the biggest challenges couples face when exploring adult toys for the first time?

With men, often the biggest concern is that it will "replace” them. While younger men generally are more open to this, older men may be quietly concerned. One fundamental difference between women and men though is that women can typically become multi-orgasmic and will enjoy the experience with their partner more if they achieve several orgasms during foreplay (and whatever comes after foreplay, as well). Men in relationships where their partner only has one orgasm or she does not achieve orgasm at all, often don't realize this. Touching on the possible fear that some men may have that sex toys might replace them; here's a point of reference for women to consider: If the woman considers actual "sex" the act of intercourse and the man achieving orgasm,how will she feel if the man uses a sex toy (such as a masturbation sleeve) and prefers using that while they are together over intercourse? One way to explain the idea of sex toys to men that are resistant to the idea is to give the analogy of it being a "power tool" for the bedroom. Would they cut down a tree with a chainsaw or their hands? Also, use the toy on the man first – depending on what it is, be careful around the testicles. There are many creative things that can be done with sex toys for men that people often don't realize. Once he experiences the benefits, he'll likely be more open to the idea. Another challenge is not planning ahead for batteries or having the device fully charged. Having a sex toy lose power and stop right before orgasm does not make for a happy experience.

What methods can couples use to overcome fear or anxiety about using adult toys for the first time?

First, watch porn with sex toys being used. Then talk about it. Then have the woman use it on the man to stimulate him.

Dr. Steve McGough, D.H.S is the Director of R&D, CTO hi® Master Level instructor and Director of R&D at Women and Couples Wellness, LLC, Associate Professor of Clinical Sexology, Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Steve is regularly interviewed by outlets such as Prevention, Redbook, CNBC, MSN, Women’s Health, Medical Daily, Glamour, Ask Men, etc. Steve McGough discovered the technology behind “hi” when trying to help Wendy (his wife) recover from a tragedy.

Dr. Steve McGough

"Dr. Steve McGough the author of numerous books dealing with wellness, massage, and intimacy. He has a Doctorate of Human Sexuality from the IASHS, and a BS in Biochemistry (focusing on nutrition) from UNC-Chapel Hill. Steve has an extensive background in massage and various Asian healing practices. He's the Director of R&D at Women and Couples Wellness, and a professor of Clinical Sexology. During graduate research, Steve developed new techniques to help women with anorgasmia (inability to achieve orgasm). Through this, he's worked with several thousand women and couples researching female orgasm. Steve has been published in academic journals on topics ranging from neuroscience research to sexology. He has multiple US & International patents in areas for women's pelvic and sexual health. A distinction with his approach is the view that sexual health is an integral part of overall health. Steve is frequently interviewed in Prevention, Women's Health, Medical Daily, CNBC, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Ask Men, etc. He & his wife Wendy frequently teach at Young Swingers Week, Naughty N Nawlins, Hedonism II, etc.
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