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Newbie Guide: The Pre-Club Talk & Prep

SDC Openlove 101 Newbie Lifestyle Guide Prep Talk Couple Swingers Open
SDC Openlove 101 Newbie Lifestyle Guide Prep Talk Couple Swingers Open
Don't roll up to the club without these essential tips!

OK, now that we know what a lifestyle club is all about from Part 1 of our Newbie Lifestyle Club Guide, let’s talk about what to talk about before going to one. Here are some important topics to discuss.

Goals & Expectations

What are you hoping to gain out of the experience? And, if you’re going with your partner, how can the two of you work together in creating a memorable evening? Is it exploring a fantasy you’ve always wanted? Is it finding a third person to play with? Is it simply just going in and soaking up the environment? You get to set those goals and achieve them.

At the same time, don’t have expectations that it will necessarily happen or be too focused on making it happen. When there’s too much pressure to fulfill your goals, it can lead to disappointment, not enjoying the moment, not being present with your partner, and more. Sometimes tackling our fear of something is expectation enough. Just focus on having a wonderful evening.

So, set your goals, but don’t let being insistent on them get in the way of having fun.


Openlove 101 SDC Newbie Lifestyle Club Guide Prep Talk

What are you and your partner comfortable experiencing? What are your hard noes and hard yeses? Is the first visit strictly an observation night? What about dancing? Only with each other? Playrooms? Off-limits? Acceptable? What are the play boundaries? Is introducing a single into play an option? Is kissing ok? Oral sex? Intercourse? You want to talk about it now so that it doesn’t become an “oops” moment later.

Talk about what you’re ok with and prepared to handle. Often times, boundaries are subconsciously created from fear and jealousy. Example: I can have sex with someone else, but you can’t. That boundary may stem from jealousy and fear of loss. Now you might not want to go into a deep conversation about that before going to a club, but it’s something to note and keep in mind because those emotions may surface at the club. Just be aware that these emotions exist, and they can be triggered by breaking an unforeseen boundary, so do your best to talk about as many boundaries you can think of before going to the club.

Discuss each partner’s boundaries and know what each person thinks they’re willing to do. I say “think” because boundaries can sometimes change and evolve when you’re in the club (more on that later). Regardless, it’s important to know what you each currently feel comfortable with because you are still two individuals with different perceptions. Whatever those boundaries are, respect, and support them.

Also, remember to respect other people’s boundaries. Understand what’s OK for them because other patrons will have varying degrees of boundaries in their lifestyle journey. Just because their rules are different from yours doesn’t mean one is right and one is wrong.

Scenarios & Logistics

Openlove 101 SDC Newbie Lifestyle Club Guide Prep Talk No Saying No

Remember that refusing to play is OK. However, it’s also a good idea to discuss how to handle saying no, which can be as simple as “no, thank you” or “no thanks, not tonight.”

It may feel uncomfortable at first to say no (and that’s where your partner can support you), but it’s important that you don’t give in to pressure to have sex ever with anyone. You don’t have to “take one for the team” or do anything sexual with anyone you don’t want to. Just because you are visiting a swingers club does not mean you have to engage in sex... EVER! 

That means being supportive if one partner becomes too uncomfortable. Have a plan in place so you can be on the same page. Remember, you’re venturing on something new together, and it’s not something you need to figure out alone. Show love for each other. So if one person becomes uncomfortable in the scenario at the club, have a safe word — a random word that can be used to notify your partner that you want to stop.

The Full Newbie Lifestyle Club Guide

There are four parts to our Newbie Lifestyle Club Guide here on SDC. Click here for the introduction. You can find the rest of the links below:

1. What a Lifestyle Club Is — & Isn't

2. The Pre-Club Talk & Prep (you're here)

3. Lifestyle Club Etiquette

4. You're at the Club. Now What?

By taking these steps in this guide, you can have an incredible first time (or anytime) experience at a lifestyle club that will keep you cumming back for more! (I couldn’t resist!)

Happy swinging!


Openlove 101 SDC Newbie Lifestyle Club Guide

See our links in the bio below for more about us and Openlove 101.

Openlove 101

John and Jackie Melfi are swingers in an open relationship. Together they are the driving force behind, a swingers' club brand with locations in Dallas, New Orleans, Houston, and Austin. John has been in the swinger club industry for 20 years, and when he and Jackie met, they expanded the business in order to reach and educate more couples and singles curious about the lifestyle. Their first venture together was the award winning lifestyle blog, Today this swinging powerhouse coach couples on the lifestyle, provide video content, blog weekly on the topic and have been the recipients of numerous industry awards. Visit to sign up for their FREE newsletter and receive updates on their videos and articles.
  • Anonymous
Jan 21, 2020
Suggestion to newbies and lifestyle clubs. First time just relax and watch understand how folks interact. Don’t be hungry it will happen
Nov 22, 2019
Thank you! Very valuable resource for newbies about to take their first step!
Nov 16, 2019
Conduct yourself as if you had sex before! Treat the club like a regular club. It's okay to be polite and assertive at the same time. You will approach people and people will approach you. If sex doesn't happen will at least you can gain some networking.
Nov 15, 2019
Can’t stress enough the importance of having the conversation before to avoid the talk after!
Nov 15, 2019
Very helpful insights for newbies like us !!